Today's whimsy

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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:23 pm

"Toilet trader" is a wonderful phrase. In German, the word is Sinstadt
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sat Apr 28, 2018 3:39 pm

NotBert wrote:"Toilet trader" is a wonderful phrase.  In German, the word is Sinstadt

As in Gerald Sinstadt?

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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:38 pm

Come on, Tone, I thought you'd have got that reference...

From '94 - I love the tags at the bottom, that wanking in an "art house" has to be French football...

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/charges-dropped-1434811.html

Criminal charges against Gerald Sinstadt, the football commentator, have been dropped, his lawyers said yesterday. Mr Sinstadt, 64, of Highgate, north London, who works on Grandstand and Match of the Day, had been charged with gross indecency for an alleged sex act at a porn cinema.

More about: Cinema; French Football; Highgate; Sex

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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sun Apr 29, 2018 3:33 am

I wasn't aware the old duffer had been done for wanking!
He was always my favourite commentator.....the voice of midweek 70s football for me.
And he's still alive!
cheers
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:36 am

I know, one for the "Anita Harris" thread in retrospect.

He worked on Kick Off as you posted, so he was a regular up here on Granada TV in the 70s and presumably in council-run street toilets as well. Clearly a City fan (not a gag, that, you could tell - Elton Welsby was an Evertonian and didn't hide it well either, for example).
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:41 am

Oh, and also from '94, a letter to the Deputy Assistant Commissioner of Police...

Congratulations] The local police in Islington, part of your patch, have come in for a good deal of criticism in the past, so it's good to see reports that they've arrested someone, a television sports commentator indeed, and charged him with gross indecency. According to reports in the tabloids, your officers claim to have seen Gerald Sinstadt and another man 'fondling themselves' (though not each other) at the Fantasy II cinema in Islington, north London.

As I'm sure you are aware, there's so much crime in Islington the police scarcely have the resources to record it, let alone catch the criminals. When our neighbours were robbed last year, your men turned up in the early hours to examine the damage and did not even have time to look at the next house, where our own cellar door had been kicked in.

Your crime prevention officer was extremely charming when he came round a few days later. He told us all about the opportunist thieves of the district - 'toe-rags' he called them - and said it was years since he'd seen a really classy burglary.

Then a few months later, with our cellar wall rebuilt, the same toe-rags tried the front window, damaging the woodwork and snapping a catch. But the locks held. I mentioned it to a couple of police officers passing the next day, and they commiserated with a knowing glance towards the window. Three houses in the street had been less fortunate the previous night.

I have occasionally wondered why, in a road that burglars seem to visit every couple of months at about 3am, we don't occasionally hear of one being caught by the police taking a stroll down the street at the same time. Can it be that they are too busy putting in overtime on what must be Islington's most popular beat, preventing masturbation in porno cinemas?

I'm more an Odeon or Screen on the Green man myself, but I've always imagined that that was basically what porno cinemas were for. What were Mr Sinstadt and other audience members expected to be doing? Admiring the cinematography? Discussing the method acting? Drooling at the lip-sync?

Still, as we lie in our beds and listen to the tinkling of smashed quarterlights, as we try to ignore the ringing of car and house alarms, as old ladies move in convoys down the street to collect their pensions, we can at least reassure ourselves that the porn cinemas of Islington are being kept safe for our children.

What a wise allocation of police resources] Rather than frittering away my council tax on crimes with real victims, rather than responding to the complaints of the public, you allow your officers to sit in the dark and spy on sad old men. Gerald Sinstadt hasn't done me any harm and isn't likely to, but you have - you've wasted my money. Fancy a person of your position and responsibility being caught behaving like this. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sun Apr 29, 2018 1:33 pm

"Can it be that they are too busy putting in overtime on what must be Islington's most popular beat, preventing masturbation in porno cinemas?"

lol!
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Mon May 07, 2018 1:11 pm

The British sitcom's decline can be traced back directly to the demise of the trefoil carpet beater. Since people no longer hang carpets over a washing line and beat the fucking shit out of them to get the dust out, comedy back garden chases and choking in comically-excessive clouds of dust have declined 92% and the scenes that can be developed from them have been lost like the history of New Faces.

Blame James fucking Dyson. Again.
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Sat May 19, 2018 7:02 pm

Belly button fluff is invariably blue because it is made of sky dust that is absorbed through the skin and escapes the body through the umbilicus.
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Thu May 24, 2018 11:22 pm

Having "listened" to some woman bark on to her mate on a bus this morning about kids football kits - her kids have club kits, Spanish club kits and a clutch of international kits - it set me wondering whether there was a Spanish version of me pissed off on a Madrid bus listening to a mother harping on about how her kids have just got themselves a cracking Wolves kit, they're always nice, and I love the Spurs kit with the cockerel and young Javier has been itching for the Newcastle humbug to go with his Juventus jersey...
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:59 am

How much fucking summer wine was there left, really?
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Tue Aug 14, 2018 4:11 am

The old couple up the road have two huge sprays of pampas grass. The dirty fuckers.

I didn't know this until this week...

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2017/may/31/pampas-grass-secret-symbol-swingers-turn-off-sales-plummeting
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Nobby Cheese on Wed Aug 15, 2018 2:08 am

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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Mon Aug 27, 2018 4:40 pm

Amazed that John McCain dies and there's a rage over whether he was a warmongering shite or a wonderful man and NOT ONE PERSON has mentioned how he single-handedly saw off the terrorists (who were in fact just thieves) in Nakatomi Plaza barefoot on Christmas Eve
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Sun Oct 07, 2018 12:32 am

NotBert wrote:The old couple up the road have two huge sprays of pampas grass.  The dirty fuckers.

I didn't know this until this week...

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2017/may/31/pampas-grass-secret-symbol-swingers-turn-off-sales-plummeting

In review, three doors up, two doors down and opposite and to the right have it. That's one-sixth of the road.

So do the strawberry pensioners who live around the corner (they grew strawberries at the end of their front garden) and the recent-build old people's home around the corner clearly don't just play solitaire after dark...
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Mad Tony on Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:05 am

lol!
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  NotBert on Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:08 pm

The iconic Littlewoods building in Liverpool is listed and as such is protected from unscrupulous developers like Mayor Diamond Joe Anderson.

It was to undergo a revival as a film centre and set and then a few weeks back, the fucker burned, automatically throwing the listed status into doubt and possibly leaving many acres of prime developing land up for grabs.

The film people have come along, took a look and say 'nah, fuck it, we can sort that out, it's a setback, that's all'

Quimby has not been quoted as saying "I've got more fucking matches, you know?"
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Re: Today's whimsy

Post  Mad Tony on Mon Oct 08, 2018 10:44 pm

affraid
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