Whatever Happened To...?

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Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Fri Jan 17, 2014 10:54 am

A bit of an extension of the "dead/not dead" thread this.

People who had the limelight but disappeared from it (no offence intended but Lena Zavaroni was an archetype of this; of course, she died of effects of a lifelong eating disorder and depression) to the point that they must be somewhere.

I had someone in mind to set the ball rolling but I've forgotten. It'll come to me...
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:14 am

Sonia Sutcliffe.

Memorably the first lottery winner in the UK as she married a bloke who'd think nothing of putting a hammer through women's brains, he had a full tool box yet the only damages she ever had were awarded her in a libel trial against Private Eye (who repeatedly referred to her as "Mrs Ripper" and amazingly, were surprised when she took offence).

Reported in 2010 to be still in the house they shared as husband and wife, we can only assume his tea is not in the fridge still.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 am

Jean Alexander

A mainstay of Coronation Street in a gentler time where it wasn't full of recently post-teens who are taking drugs, sniffing pandas and having sex with their horses, Hilda Ogden as she was retired a couple of years back. She's now 87 and living in Southport, it seems. FWIW, I saw her there a few years back but only twigged it was her after she'd passed me.

Stan and Eddie are both now running the bin wagon in the sky. I would imagine the script allows for the bins not to have been emptied for six weeks or so
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Jan 26, 2014 12:37 pm

I covered Barry Endean yesterday (the journeyman striker who once went to Everton as a youth and returned home after 4 days because of "not being able to settle"). He was born in Chester-le-Street and his career appears to have been a journey to Watford followed by progressive moves back towards Chester-le-Street. He made a career in construction and his son (intriguingly named "Barry" - source of name not known) is carrying on the family name.

For Jonesy, who will be wondering who the fucking hell IS Barry Endean, he was the Watford striker who scored the only goal in the FA Cup quarter final in 1970 when second division Watford put out first division giants Liverpool. The game is landmark in that it turned into a Night of the Long Knives at Anfield and marked the effective end of several high profile Liverpool careers (St John, Yeats, Lawrence, Strong for four) and even a bit part player or two (Peter Wall in particular played one game more, as did Lawrence and Geoff Strong would play in the derby the week after and never again).

So, who did I have in mind now...? Question 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Jan 26, 2014 1:07 pm

Alan Pascoe was Britain's first athletic superstar.  After winning gold in Christchurch in the Commonwealths in 1974, he was the name on everyone's lips.

No, he fucking wasn't.  What he was, though, was probably the first bloke in amateur athletics to to realise that you don't necessarily have to be good at your event (which he clearly was) but be colorful at it.  THAT was how he got his name on everybody's lips.  See this and watch it to the end:



The fucking melt.  But that got him an advert on the telly where he jumped over his garden gate (followed by his dog; fuck knows how many takes he took and whether he needed back surgery afterwards) and started the chain reaction that would later mean Steve Cram would try and sell us breakfast cereal, Linford Christie would be beaten by a milk float that had been Ben Johnsoned (Morning, Linford) and Fatima Whitbread would show us how to self-examine for testicular cancer.  Fuck knows what Pascoe was selling, might have been milk as well.

He was vice chairman of the Olympic bid.  When the announcement was made and was successful, he tried to jump a chair facing the wrong way in the office and fucking fell over it.  The fucking melt.

Got a mention in The Mary Whitehouse Experience over fifteen years after his Commonwealth gold when they were looking for two references to hurdlers to illustrate who wouldn't die if there was a fire in an all-seater football stadium.  They obviously hadn't seen the video although in their defence, he would have been jumping the seats the right fucking way around.  The other referenced was Judy Livermore, who later became Judy Simpson and later again became Nightshade alongside former swimmer Sharron Davies (Amazon) and Jenny Stoute (Rebel) in fucking Gladiators, God give me strength...

Current whereabouts unknown. Oh, all right then, here's the Linford Christie ad

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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sun Jan 26, 2014 6:33 pm

Great post Bert.
I was 25 when Pascoe forgot he'd used all his energy actually racing....the silly cunt.
Check his first failed jump...he bends the short bar with his spine!
Great memories.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Jan 26, 2014 7:03 pm

You can clearly see he's going backwards and over the hurdles where the stand is on the other side so they don't fall.

He still owes the NZAAA thirty quid for that. Would have loved to have had the ad where he jumps the gate along with his (IIRC) boxer-like dog. Injured in '76, of course, when he'd have been credible opposition for the start of the Ed Moses reign.

I may treat this yet like the "football" threads. A bit miffed there was no acknowledgement of the three ads gag (Cram was "Start!", Christie's is there, Whitbread's, not so much)  Very Happy 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Jan 26, 2014 8:13 pm

Colin Suggett

Suggett was the unsung hero in this:  



Clearly offside, he peels off left and not interfering nor taking further part in the move, inadvertently gives Arsenal half of the Double.  Like Barry Endean, he was also born in Chester-le-Street but it appears he's never put in a damp course or sucked his teeth and said "gonna cost ya" in his life.

He moved to Norwich a couple of years later where he, along with Tony Powell, was a one-time winner of the Norwich City Player Of The Year Award and a notoriously difficult card to get in Panini stickers.  Rumours of Tony Powell, hard as nails as he was, moving to the USA and having a sex change are only half true.  He moved to the USA but is still all cock and balls and straight, he affirms with Norwich City's team of private investigators.  Colin Suggett also retains his penis but rather than take on Hollywood, stayed in the game.  Apparently scouting in Carlisle, he to this day remains offisde but not interfering with play.  He still occasionally runs into the opposition half and then changes direction randomly when the police come to cart him off, just for old times' sake.

Bremner, Revie and Astle, meanwhile, all no longer with us.  Ray Findlay, meanwhile, lives and has had a long and distinguished County FA career.  Revie's ghost disputes this and claims he is dead but the flag has been put down.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:14 pm

"Apparently scouting in Carlisle, he to this day remains offisde but not interfering with play"


 lol! 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Mon Jan 27, 2014 12:00 am

Ray Findlay, meanwhile, was the ref. Without pointing that out, it appears I've just insinuated a random name into the post. Much as I am wont to do that, I didn't on this occasion
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Feb 01, 2014 12:09 am

Anita Harris

Anita was wonderfully ahead of her time.  Like Christopher Biggins who took the mantle after her major years, she was famous for absolutely fuck all and is viewed as one of the pioneers in the area of people who are famous for something, we just don't know what.  When ITV recognised this phenomenon, they started sending people to the jungle, doing Opportunity Knocks on a nationwide stage and giving the two Geordie twats licence to front every bit of shit going, "calls made after will not be counted but may still be charged".

She might be alive, we don't know.  She hasn't been on a chat show for a while, but then if she'd been a man and black, she'd be Kenny Lynch and he's pretty quiet at the minute too, which makes you wonder whether they're the same person with an A1 make-up job.

She may be alive, she may be dead, she's almost certainly in fucking pantomime somewhere either way and is apparently still keen on playing Dick.  Guesses at her age vary from "I don't know, about 70?" to "Is she the one who was fucking Hitler, she must be about 140 years old" and one memorable response of "she died in the Crimean War".  There is a reward of £1k for anyone who finds her whereabouts, and one of £2k for someone who finds her but leaves her be, "it's Graham Norton's time now".
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Feb 01, 2014 5:09 pm

This country?

Jim Davidson wins a reality show and Luis Aragones dies and no-one refers to him as "the racist Aragones".

We've gone soft, we let the shit get away with everything
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Feb 09, 2014 2:54 am

Frank Carrodus

Fuck me, talk about bizarre journeymen popping into your head for no reason. For a winger he didn't score many, did he?

He spoke out about the moneyed culture in the Birmingham Mail in 2008 - how did we miss that? See the Villa team pic as well in the article

http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/todays-players-are-greedy-says-former-65021

Andy Gray looks a right cunt. No change there, then.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sun Feb 16, 2014 1:35 pm

Bill Bixby

America's attempt to find a lookalike for Bob Monkhouse was ill-fated, as Bixby was the closest they got and that was because he was torn between going Monkhouse or Dick a Dum Dum Des O'Connor. So what of him? Famous for TV serieseseses The Incredible Hulk and The Magician, his career stalled somewhat when he died in 1993, ten years before Monkhouse of prostate cancer (which, like Celebrity Squares, would also claim both he and Monkhouse) and at the somewhat junior age of 59.

Celebrity Squares (and Hollywood Squares, the forerunner of the UK version) is extremely important here. Both Bixby (as centre square, largely) and Monkhouse (host) registered over 100 appearances each on the show and the only other person who managed that was Eddie Firmani. Wait, hang on, Firmani was the only man to score 100 league goals in both England and Italy. Look it up, it's true.

Bixby's funeral was well attended by colleagues and press alike who had been tipped off that someone would make his corpse angry, you wouldn't like him when he was angry, his eyes would change colour and he would metamorphose into Lou Ferrigno while keeping his trousers on. Sadly, it never happened. Lou Ferrigno thrives elsewhere. He refuses to allow green paint in the house.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:36 pm

Graham Miles

The Tony Gubba of snooker, he'd be working among the bigger names but not winning much but was famous for two things
(i) back to back Pot Black series wins (this was the repository for back to back wins for John Spencer and Eddie Charlton, which is a fucking terrifying thought)
(ii) being bald from the age of seven

He was a world championship runner-up once, won the Tolly Cobbold classic (I am not making this shit up) in 1981 and last played in the World Championship in 1984. He retired in 1992, aged 51 and amazingly, ran three snooker halls in Sandwell (2) and Crewe, the flash cunt in those playboy magnet towns. He spent the rest of his time buying chalk and resins and buffing his head in a vain attempt to re-establish his hair so he could take on Hollywood in a sequel to the Color Of Money, entitled More Color Of Money With Bonus Hair Miles. Aged 72, he still works the bar at one of his clubs, feigning deafness while he reads the paper ("two lager please, Pop") and living in fear of Cliff Thorburn dropping by as he owes him a tenner still from 1978
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:39 am

Mike and Bernie Winters

Mike and Bernie Winters were of course a double act, two brothers who were eventually split up when a giant fucking St Bernard named Schnorbitz muscled in and took the job of straight man off Mike.  Or Bernie.  I'm not sure which one was meant to be the funny one because in the end, the dog was stealing the fucking show, Bernie remarking through tears on his death the same words Brian May said when Freddie Mercury died - "Well, that's me fucked."

Bernie was culled by the TV assassins in 1991.  Married to Siggy, famous for calling his brother "Choochy Face" before they fell out and "Fuckface" after, he starred in a TV movie where he played Bud Flanagan alongside Leslie Crowther's Chesney Allen.  This vehicle made the blacklist of shows that were to be suppressed compiled in 1990 by Michael Grade, the CEO of C4, and within a year, Bernie had been taken out with radiation poisoning (officially; stomach cancer) after dining with Richard Whiteley.  Leslie Crowther, incidentally, almost died the year after when in a car crash in the same week after The Big Breakfast started.  Gaby Roslin to this day cannot explain her movements on that day...

If you don't believe me, look at Frankie Howerd and Benny Hill.  Died on consecutive days in 1992.  Coincidence?  They didn't find Benny Hill for two days, dead in an armchair and his grave was disturbed around he same time as Crowther's "accident".  Benny Hill, meanwhile, gave a quote for Howerd's obituary, which is impressive for a dead man.  Howerd rang his agent about future plans for a show two hours before his death.  They were less than ten miles apart when they died and Hill lived in Teddington, where the Big Breakfast is filmed.  Chris Evans became a wealthy man after his stint in the Big Breakfast.  Maybe his audition for it was in two flats in London in April 1992?  We may never know...  Howerd was the only one who reached 70.  Bernie never reached 60; Crowther made 63; Hill, 68.

Mike Winters made good his acrimonious split with his brother.  Although they made up in later life, he moved to the States where he carved himself out a career in clubs and promotions.  Mindful of the assassins of C4, he surrounded himself with living legends Muhammad Ali and Angelo Dundee and kept a 3000 mile Atlantic barrier between himself and Michael Grade's forces of darkness.  Towards the end of the first decade of the 21st century, approaching 80, he felt it safe to return to the UK, the C4 Death Squad having seemingly fragmented on the death of the don, Richard Whiteley; Yorkshire has always been a hotbed for murderers and at 61, Whiteley went too young.  Suspicious?  Look at Father Ted's Dermot Morgan, died aged 45.  Graham Norton was a regular irregular on that show.  Worth a few quid now, is Graham "The Cleaner" Norton.  

However, Evans and Roslin had gone, Vorderman had moved into the Ocean Finance loans market, the faces were all disappearing into the woodwork like German war criminals to Buenos Aires.  The Grade Brothers, the original Russian mafia, Lew, Leslie and Bernard Delfont, were all gone; Michael Grade was now of pensionable age and his iron fist could not maintain a grip on British light entertainment.  Mike came back to Britain after 30 years in exile.  He died in 2013, aged 83.  He had published 5 books, two of which were biographical, two were novels and one, a memoir.  The rumoured sixth book - Letters With My Brother - were loosely detailed in his effects but neither the manuscript nor the letters have ever surfaced.  The content is suspected to cover the split, reconciliation, the fucking dog and in the last letters, Bernie's worries for his own life.  We may never know and forever speculate.

There is no truth in the rumour that Derek Thompson was left in the house alone after his car broke down outside the Winters's home in Gloucestershire shortly before Mike passed away...
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Tue Feb 25, 2014 11:11 pm

Romeo Zondervan

Born in Surinam when it didn't have the "e" tagged on to the end, he claimed his Dutch nationality through his Surinamese heritage (Ruud Gullit and Frank Rijkaard among others had Surinamese forebears) and made his way to the Netherlands to play football.

One day he said "dammit, I want to play in the finest league in the world for a great club".  However, he didn't fancy that and pitched for England instead and after a trip to Birmingham where he fell in love with the cheque Ron Manager* offered him, he signed for West Brom.

Sadly, when WBA had a break in Rons (see below) he was deemed surplus to requirements and in decline.  So he went to Ipswich and spent almost a decade there in front of the Suffolkers being told "He's no Thijssen and he's a bit darker than Muhren too..."  Good times...  He reckons on his time at Ipswich being the best in his career which is a lovely sentiment but also really fucking sad.  He finished his career in the Netherlands.

He would surface again in 2002 where as a qualified pilot and Dutchman, he was apprehended by British customs for bringing a friend to the UK who had with him a mountain of video porn.  "It's my mate's" said Romeo.  "With a name like yours, sir?" said Customs.  "Yesh" said his uncommonly stoned buddy.  Victoria Beckham named her son Romeo around that time.  Just saying.

Now his career involves exploiting old colleague's names for advertisements - he got Frank Rijkaard an ad for Right Guard (hands up is you use Rijkaard, hands down if you don't.  Tony Adams uses it...) and he appeared in an ad for "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" after contacting a bloke he replaced at WBA.  They both got kitted up and he wore his best hair and Brendan Batson smile and said "I can tell the difference between butter and ICBINB.  Len can't tell though..." and at that point Len Cantello would walk on in kit carrying two slices of bread, both spread with butter and ICBINB, shaking his head in bemusement and then mugging to camera as he shrugs his shoulders.  Noddy shot back to Romeo who winks at the camera, product strapline aaaaand... CUT!

Romeo now currently phones Dirk Kuyt up to thirty times a day asking him if he's thought any more about his exercise video (non-porn) idea, Dirk Kuyt Work Out.  Dirk Kuyt uses voicemail a lot these days.

He would scout in Europe for George Burley at Ipswich, which was a fantastic cover story for him flogging his skinflicks to scud-starved Austro-Hungarian horny twats from the tail hatch of his turbo prop light aircraft.

Zondervan has three sons.  It is not known if any are named "Victoria".  Zondervan also became a nickname for any teenager who had recently acquired a girlfriend and was consequently suffering cockular dermabrasion through honeymoon sex with a willing partner.  Quite funny thinking now you could get a video to go with that name...

Oh, and he swore like a Scottish drunken soldier with his cock on fire.


*Ron Manager later became famous in "The Fast Show".  It's not him.  West Brom had a period in the late 70s/early 80s where, having seen Ron Saunders turn rivals Villa into a trophy-winning side, the board thought this was down to the name Ron and employed in a decade nine managers, six of whom had the name Ron.  They were in order, Ron, John, Ron, Ron, Ron, John, Norbert**, Ron, Ron.  Peculiarly, the period was bookended at either end by a Brian.  The experiment was ultimately aborted for two reasons (i) They won fuck all (ii) The chairman's wife ran off with the milkman.  Named Ron.

**Of course, Norbert was Nobby Stiles who actually offered to change his name to Ron (NORbert, see?).  20 years after kicking the shit out of everyone as England won the World Cup, the chairman's response was "If you want, Nobby.  Just not the face, NOT THE FACE"
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Wed Feb 26, 2014 12:16 am

lol! lol! lol! 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:52 pm

Fiona Wright

"Five times a night" was memorably known as the soft core model who was fucking Sir Ralph Halpern, CEO at Burton's.  Halpern, you may recall, reckoned he once pinched Thatcher's arse, which means he'd clearly stick his twig and berries up just about anything.

She got a job doing agony auntery on the Sunday Sport in the aftermath, where one memorable letter talked of a student who had taken his washing home one weekend, somehow got embroiled in some sexual peccadillo surrounding it and wanted to know if that was normal and her reply was "yes, I still sometimes take my washing home to mum's".

She also became a £500 a night prostitute, which on my form, I'd get about 18 pence worth, and married a bloke after ten days and when she divorced him, lost the car, jewels and probably the knickers off her arse which had incidentally ballooned and shrank in the interceding period.  Then she smashed up her brother-in-law's car and wrote a graffiti essay on it and denied it in court, where in the face of her plausible pleas, the judge fined her and gave her a conditional discharge, the guilty hoe.

Current whereabouts are unclear, but there's compelling evidence that she's had plastic surgery and is now Katie Hopkins, the guilty hoe.  Or Rebecca Loos, the guilty hoe.  There is a further unsubstantiated rumour that every talentless lying twat of a woman who makes a fortune on her back and then tells fantastic stories about their goldbrick and wonders why they aren't believed actually does this under the auspices of a company she runs.  She is half owner with Heather fucking Mills.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:13 pm

Chris Kelly

Children in the 70s will remember the chubby-chopped presenter of Clapperboard, a programme designed to get kids away from the telly for twenty minutes to eat their tea and used as a filler to ensure they didn't miss the rest of the programmes that would be on for kids until Billy fucking Dainty's Extravaganza came on and consigned them to bed by both luck or design.

He then went into Food and Drink with Jilly Goolden which was a success for the BBC with hints of peach, barbed wire and embalming fluid.  He did "Wish You Were Here" as well, remarkable for having presenters which had you thinking "Glad I'm fucking not, actually".

He wrote a bit after that but disappeared around the year 2000.  Several unconfirmed sightings have been made but nothing concrete - buying an ice cream in Fort William, considering a trellis in a garden centre in Irthlingborough and sleeping under a bridge in Cambridge have all been considered but discounted.  What we do know is that as a TV presenter, albeit a minor one, in the 70s, he is in a similar position to Craven, John in that he is both fearful and expectant of a Yew Tree knock, whether it is for himself of more likely, to rat out Fred Dinenage or Dickie Davies.  Current whereabouts unknown.  He is 74 but may be trying to pass himself off as younger with his baby face.  If you believe he's been a bad boy and you know where he is, call 999, we'll be in all day


HAVE YOU SEEN
THIS MAN?

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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:19 pm

NotBert wrote:Chris Kelly

Several unconfirmed sightings have been made but nothing concrete - buying an ice cream in Fort William, considering a trellis in a garden centre in Irthlingborough and sleeping under a bridge in Cambridge have all been considered but discounted.  

 lol! lol! 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:25 am

Don Ameche

Don was a long-serving Hollywood character actor for 60 years on Vaudeville, radio and big and small screens and whose sixty-year career is now summed up as "didn't he win an Oscar for Cocoon?" and, more commonly, "wasn't he the old guy who shouted 'FUCK HIM' in Trading Places?".

Well, he's dead and has been since 1993 so that's that mystery's solved.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:57 pm

That is one funny scene when he shouts 'FUCK HIM'

 lol! 
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  NotBert on Sat Jun 21, 2014 1:11 pm

Apparently done in one take, Tone - Ameche was uncomfortable, what with his religious background, and said he'd "do it once and that's you're lot. You fucking cunts"

I added the last three words myself.
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Re: Whatever Happened To...?

Post  Nobby Cheese on Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:30 pm

lol! 
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