when you fancy some-one,and you can't, "MUSTN'T".and the hell of wondering,guessing,not knowing,

what she's thinking.
if she's thinking anything at all.

just an ordinary housewife,
going about another ordinary day,
in a most un-remarkable way.
walk the dogs before the school-run.
seems a bit old for that though.
or before work perhaps.
maybe she works.
and i really can't see there not being an "old man".

all i DO know,
and it is as clear as the day,or night,is long,
that she seems quite content,
happy with "her lot",so to speak.

and what right do i have to damage that?

i said to her once about the walk she does,
every day,
no matter what.
she just smiled and said "you just get into a routine,y'know?"
she just seems so at ease with herself.
i envy her that.

yeah but,no but,what-if,and maybe.

what to say to her.
how to say it,
and how she might interpret what i might say.
might it matter?
does she really care?
might she even be remotely interested?

and all this rushing through one's mind in the 5 seconds that it takes for her to appear at my stop,
and be marching up the hill at full-steam,
going,
going,
gone.

and then the return-journey home,
looking forward to the next 5 second fix.
maybe next time something will happen.
maybe one of us will say something suggestive,
drop the guard momentarily.
let a cat out of the proverbial bag.
but i doubt it.
i'm too well rehearsed.
and so,
to,
is she,
i bet.

so,
i'll just keep banging on about it,
for the unforeseeable future.

it took me 5 yrs,
approximately,
to say hello.

so her name,
and what she may or may not think of me?
i'll shall probably die wondering.


AND MAYBE IT REALLY WOULD BE BEST TO LET THINGS BE.

PS,
and this is not a joke.
an old gent that i used to take the odd drink or 6 with yrs ago,
and i,
were waiting for a bus one day.
he was a retired teacher.
quite respectable.
a piss-head,
but respectable none the less.

well,anyway,
an old woman friend of his turned up for the bus.
they started chatting,
we'd been drinking,
and he suddenly said,
"y'know?
i always wanted to give you one".
she,
and i both,
gasped in amazement.
she regained her composure,
then replied,
"oh god,why didn't you say something??"

he obviously didn't dare.
she couldn't have possibly imagined.
and now they were both retired.


well,
i got things to do.