Whisky nosed senile cunt

Alex Ferguson says Man City have bought the title.

Cost of starting City team at Newcastle: £161m.
Cost of starting United team against Swansea: £169m

Shock horror! Money is the root of all success in football! Roman Abramovich will pay someone to answer this ridiculous assertion later - "this yacht won't buy itself", he said as he lit a foot-long Havana cigar made from leaves picked on a plantation he bought at an auction when he sneezed at an inopportune moment, and which has been rolled on the thighs of a Cuban virgin whose sexual status is maintained by a team of Russian bodyguards because she is as fit as fuck, really. He does not carry a lighter, instead preferring to light his stogie with a handy 500 Euro note every time it goes out.