taking the strain,pressures of life,watching things fall apart,feeling...........

helpless,hopeless,
and the 15 stone lump of lard sits there,
silent,
mindless,
brainless,
totally bereft of the life.

i came home,
got in at about 8.00. this morning,
and there he was,
perched on the sofa,
in his usual "lotus position",

it's now just after 4.00.pm,
and there he is,
still.

and she had the audacity,
to say that he takes after me.

when i was young,
i couldn't sit for a minute.
i had life,energy,fizz.
y'know.
all wasted admitedly.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm,
misappropriated.

i think i may have gout.
although it's not so painful,
so maybe not.

there are times,
if only there was some-one to talk to.

what i wouldn't give for some conversation.
but it's me who doesn't want to know anybody.
figure that one.

talk about slippery slope.

how low low?
(low low )
how bad bad even,
can it get?

if only i could see some point.
the smallest/faintest,
glimmer of light.

and life goes on.

ho hum



WTF,
another cup of coffee,
and wait for grub-time.
then packing lunch time,
then leave for the bus time.
and work.
the treadmill.

round,
and round,
and round,
and................
....................
.....................
......................

nobby,
what's to fuckin smile about?

i'm beginning to wonder if he really DOES have a mental-health problem.
even the fucking dog moves occassionally.

i say to myself,
"if only i could win the lottery".
and yes,
of course it would help.
give me choices at least.
but what would i do?
where would i go?


it's that same old contradiction;
i'm tired of being alone.
but i just do want to know anybody.

maybe it's a confidence thing.
lack of self-esteem.
an inability to trust perhaps.

the ivory tower scenario,
now there's a thought.
there,
but not there.

a party to,
but slightly apart from.

just out of reach.

y'know?

if that makes any sense.

the wheels are slowly coming loose i reckon.

sooner or later,
i shall be found,
huddled up in a corner somewhere,
blubbing.
and that'll it.

overalls that do up at the back.
the funny-farm.

sorry mate.

on a bit of a downer.

i seem to be floundering.
nothing new there then.

well,
pack-up done.
dinner re-heating now.
ibuprofen,c/l oil,and glucosamine tab at the ready.

god that ringing in the ears.

Fuck me eric.....you should have some of my fucking pains...AND I've had tinnitus for 3 years solid.

yeah,
i know.

i just wish things could be different.

made my bed,
now i'm having to lie in it.

all my pains,
are in my head.
ongoing battles with myself.

i spend every waking hour in this 10ft square box-room.
i even have my meals here.
my only contact with the outside world,
apart from work,
is the juice forum.

that's it.
my lot.

i'd like to stop taking the cheap cider at the weekends,
not that it's of any real concern.

but it's the only friend that i have.

boo fuckin hoo eh?

nobster,
it's not enough.
it's not NEARLY enough.

i'm sorry.

No need to apologise mate....just make a decision.
Either anti-depressants or get more tramp juice down your gullet!

Never think for a moment that you are unique in feeling despair.
It is a natural reaction to living an abnormal life style....and 99.9% of us are.

Also remember that every man has to beat his own path to the devil.

erixter wrote:nobby,
what's to fuckin smile about?

that doesn't read as intended.

i wasn't cursing nobby.

just my situation.