it's no good,i give up,i'm not gonna get to sleep.**vent alert** sorry.

i got too much shit going on in my head.

life shit,
work shit,
people shit,
allsorts of,,,,,,,,,,
SHIT.

feel like i'm overflowing with,
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
we haven't got a "bloke in straight-jacket"smilie.

been thinking about this depression bllx.
yeah,
i know.

they say that the first step on the road to recovery is talking to your g.p.
i can't do that,
but i think i'm rapidly approaching a desperate need to talk.
to SOMEBODY.

and i don't see a way forward.
i don't want things to carry on as they are right now.
but,
i don't know if i can face the prospect of somehow salvaging my remaining years,
and achieving some level of what is percieved as normality.

it could really turn my life upside down.

my whole life is like the house made of playing cards.
it's foundations are years of how i am.
a lot of years.
start fkn around with those cards and...........

maybe it will ALL,
come crashing down.
then what?

might just e-mail one of those agony aunts for online contacts or something.

it's probably only a phase,
but i feel as though it's a big deal right now.

sorry.

i know i've done al this shit so many times.

oh dear,
i really can't talk about this.
i mean face to face with some smarmie white-coat arse-wipe.

_________________________
that fuckin kid,
with that fuckin ball.
__________________________

it just isn't gonna happen.

also,
i absolutely CANNOT abide,
confident,self assured people.

and that's not envy.

i just do not like those types.

how could i reconcile that with a personality correction?

i have been this way for so long now,
i'm not convinced that any sort of treatment would be beneficial.

i really do suspect that it might put me on some sort of collision course.
i'm serious.

and maybe that is a necessary part of the healing process.

i was talking to my mother the other day,
she said that there is some history of suicide and insanity in the family.

"you don't have any problems along those lines do you?"

I've had psychiatric treatment in the past....quite painless.
And look how sane I am now.

Mad Tony wrote:I've had psychiatric treatment in the past....quite painless.
And look how sane I am now.

stay away from them eric, that's the best deterrent anyone needs

I was as mad as a March Hare when I started to see them.
Within a year I was cured.

Abdul Kowalski wrote:

Within a year I was cured

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