the suggestion that should get away for a while,seaside-break,or whatever.

if i did,
i'd just sit in a room,
logged on.
hoping for a footie mkt,
and waiting for one of you lot to post something.
failing that,
i'd go to bed.

i know,
frustrating isn't it,
but there it is.

most of what most of you have said,
about me,
to me,
i can't/wouldn't disagree with.

the bottom line is,
that i just need to shut myself away for a while.

a month of total isolation,
with laptop and booze,
might just do it.

and then.

to return to society,
via a small apartment,
in a very exclusive situation,
but THAT isn't going to happen.

so,
life goes on pretty much same as.

i bitch and whine.
and thankfully,
hopefully,
you continue to tolerate me.

and i thank you.

fuck me....i used to think like you a few years ago

and now?

she,
i'm beaten.
i concede.
the white flag is well and truly hoisted.

erixter wrote:and now?

i asked for help....daunting i know...but i`d NEVER go back now!

erixter wrote:she,
i'm beaten.
i concede.
the white flag is well and truly hoisted.

been there, done that, got the t-shirt

i don't know she.
not convinced.
either way,
you/me,
we both have a very fragile existance imo.
just like the house of cards.
the slightest disruption,
and whoosh!
it all falls down.

you put your's back together again with meds.

i ?
well,
yeah.

she wrote:

erixter wrote:she,
i'm beaten.
i concede.
the white flag is well and truly hoisted.

been there, done that, got the t-shirt

she,
i can't remember NOT feeling how i feel emotionally.

---------------------------------
emotionally.
is it okay for a bloke to say that?
---------------------------------

and now,
it fits like and old pair of slippers,
y'know.
comfortable.

i'm used to,
and accept,
my lot now.

better the devil you know maybe.

i don't think i can do the "doctor/get better maybe gig" now she.

i'm pushin 60 ffs.

erixter wrote:i don't know she.
not convinced.
either way,
you/me,
we both have a very fragile existance imo.
just like the house of cards.
the slightest disruption,
and whoosh!
it all falls down.

you put your's back together again with meds.

i ?
well,
yeah.

so basically you dont think meds can help you get your life together then?
if you had an infection, you`d take antibiotics yeh?
if you had a headache you`d take a paracetamol or whatever yeh?
so whats the difference then?...this is ALSO an illness

no SHE,
not an illness.
it's a personality disorder.

it's how i'm wired up.

erixter wrote:no SHE,
not an illness.
it's a personality disorder.

it's how i'm wired up.

ffs there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and YOU ARE young enough to make something of your life

erixter wrote:

she wrote:

erixter wrote:she,
i'm beaten.
i concede.
the white flag is well and truly hoisted.

been there, done that, got the t-shirt

she,
i can't remember NOT feeling how i feel emotionally.

---------------------------------
emotionally.
is it okay for a bloke to say that?
---------------------------------

and now,
it fits like and old pair of slippers,
y'know.
comfortable.

its not fucking comfortable though is it? you aint happy...your wife aint happy...your son aint happy....make a stand ffs, before its too late...it takes a lot of courage but it can be done...I DID IT...TWICE!

she,
i'm sorry.

these threads,
always end like this.

me apologising,
and a juicer wanting to crawl down that phone-line and kick my arse.

but i can't help how i am.
and it's all i have.

erixter wrote:she,
i'm sorry.

these threads,
always end like this.

me apologising,
and a juicer wanting to crawl down that phone-line and kick my arse.

but i can't help how i am.
and it's all i have.

eric ffs i was like you 5 years ago....do something about it!!!
dont apologise because you aint sorry, if you was sorry you`d take your life in your OWN hands and do something about it
p.s. i give a shit or i`d remain quiet

she,
i'm sorry,
as in,
i shall go to bed tonight,
and wake up tomorrow.

there WILL be a tomorrow.
and another day after that.
and another.
and another.
and another.
for god knows how long.

and maybe somewhere along that road,
my fear of dying will surpass,
my being so sick of things.

but right now,
i'm afraid of death.
so,
it'll just drag on.
day in,
day out.

i'm sorry that you care.
but thank you.

and maybe one day.
life will give me a shot,
a second chance,
and maybe i really have died,
and gone to hell.
cos i don't the balls to grab one.

really,
i don't.

i'm that bitter and twisted old cnut peering out at life from behind the grey curtains,as it whizzes by.

and one day,
very soon,
hopefully,
it will have gone.

death doesnt scare me....its the living that scares me.....eric.....ffs do what YOU want to do ffs, its about time you did something for you

i don't want to DO anything.
i have no real desires or aspirations now she.

would love,
if i must live my life,
to have an opportunity to see it out quietly and safely,
and then,
maybe not.

_________________________________

and there's another key word.
"safely".
in this day and age,
with so much filth walking the streets,
who is safe?
_________________________________

i don't think i'd have the balls for that now.

and anyway,
since niether of us really have any power of influence in the house now,
there are no arguements.
we all go quietly about our business,
trying very hard,and usually managing,
not to get in each others way.
it'll do.

three people living alone.
together.

yeah,
i know.

erixter wrote:yeah,
i know.

Eric, i`m gonna fall out with you if you dont do what you KNOW is right ffs

she,
it aint gonna happen.

erixter wrote:she,
it aint gonna happen.

you need your head knocking against a wall

she wrote:

erixter wrote:she,
it aint gonna happen.

you need your head knocking against a wall