introspective ramblings.

in control of my own destiny?
well,
once upon a time maybe.
having lived for 20 odd years,
in self-imposed shackles.

blinkering myself to reallity,
through fear of what might be,
low self-esteem,
and a total acceptance of inferority and rejection
the classic example of self-fulfilling prophecy.

and now,
living almost like a recluse.

to have any sort of chance in this world,
get out there,
be pro-active.
sell yourself.
sell what exactly?

how does a person turn around a lifetime of beliefs.
or rather,
non belief.

yeah,
i know.

blah'blah....

silly old sod's off on one again.

i got no-one else to tell it to.

and telling it,
well,
oh i don't know.

not that anybody is likely to read it anyway.

my whole lifestyle is recipe for failure.

i can't walkaway.
and if i did.
how?
where would i go?

i've made my bed,
and now i must lie in it.

they talk about people closing their minds to opportunity.
letting chances pass them by.
i don't think so.
maybe my miserable self has warded opportunity off,
i don't know.

it's a thought.

and having said all that.
i have a job,
a roof over my head,
a food in my belly.

so wtf is wrong with me?

the grass on the other always seems greener eh?
and maybe out of the frying pan into the fire.

a year out,
living alone,
quietly.
would really help.
i think.
no work,
no responsibilities.
no lardthing.
just,,,,,,out.

tell me about it,
i hear you saying.

oh well.

ramble over.

thread closed.