and anyway,it's all conjecture.

i really couldn't see stickie wanting anything to do with me,
even if she could see past the fact that i'm married.

and SHE might well be married.

that other thread was just to illustrate a level of self-loathing that you people couldn't possibly even begin to imagine.

not something that women go for exactly.

as for her thinking me wimpish;
well,
she might.

she might also understand my dilemma of the possibility that i might like her too much,eventually,maybe.

and she might feel same.

and trying to reconcile that with my being a married man,
and not wanting to render myself homeless.

at the same time,
if we got to meet up,
who's to say that it would go any further?

and we might NOT like each other,
AT all.

then that fucks up a perfectly good friendship.
maybe.

oh dear,
here i am again.

yeah but,
no but,
what if?
maybe.



i avoided her yesterday.
and shall probably try to do so in future,
but it's tough.

we'll see.

time for my shower.
then shopping.

later maybe.

______________________________________

i am in such a quandary here.

i could,
might,
just blurt something out of these mornings.

it's a bit like suicide,
something inexplicable,
might easily cause me to act totally out of character.
a "just fuckin do it",
"spur of the moment",
impulse thing.
y'know?

HA'HA'HA.
yeah right.
well?

it might.

and now,
i really must go.



she DOES actually seem a bit of a thinker.

She swings and wants a bit of teabagging

wtf is "teabagging"?

seriously though,
i've been thinking about.
can't think of anything else

and i'm having a crisis of conscience just thinking about it right now.

i just couldn't do that to a woman.

i need friendship.

it isn't going to happen.

oh i might spout off about what i'm going to say,
but really.