my weekend,

come home saturday morning,
have my mother over,
we chat,
i cook the weekends grub.
see her home at 10.00.am.
from then until monday afternoon,
i consume 4ltrs of cheap cider,
eat,
take naps,
and look in on here.
that's it.

y'know?
i just nodded for an hour,
and my legs,
well,
the backs of knees,
feel as though i just marched 20 miles.
they never stop hurting.

i'm constantly tired,
don't know anybody,
don't WANT to know anybody.
wouldn't know what to say anyway.
don't go anywhere,
don't want to.
truth be known,
i just can't be bothered.

i'm just a tired, miserable old bastard.
i crave company,
female company,
but what sort of company would i be?
i'm fucked,
mentally AND physically.

and as for meeting anybody,
yes,
okay,
a woman,
i just dry up.

so,
i'm ambling through life,
head down,
i go out,
only if and when i absolutely must.
other times,
it's l just sit here.
or sleep.

what a fuckin pointless,empty existence.

happy-pills?
are you serious?
my mind couldn't cope with happiness.
fun?
happy?
smiling?
no way.

coffee time...........................

wifie has just returned.

happy days.

wifie and lardthing have the kitchen,
coffee will have to wait.

if i ever get around to shifting this old telly,
i reckon i'll get mysellf a kettle and small fridge,
for in the bunker.

if only people didn't irritate me so.
i'm probably an irritating bugger.
and no,
it's not them,
it's me.
i know.

anyway,
coffee and lie down for a while.