it really is quite extraordinary.disconcerting almost.................but in a nice way...i think..and boiling milk of all things."boing!"said zebidde.

me and my damned bus-rides.

i sat waiting for my bus home early,and my mind was totally occupied by stickie.
bless her.
and i found myself thinking,
that i must have seen all seven sides of her over the past few months.
from brusque to bashful.
the inbetweens of,
certainty,
and un-certainty there-in.
and suddenly feeling quite relaxed about the whole affair.
affair?
right now,i could probably start a conversation with her.
well,
maybe.

well anyway,
the last few days with feelings and emotions,
all over the place,
so UP,
and so DOWN.
like whores panties so to speak.
and again,
quite without warning,
ON my bus,
i found myself likening it all to boiling milk.
you know when you're boiling milk ?
how you turn your back for a second,
and over it goes?
well,
that's how i see myself.
yeah,i know.

it's like all my bad thoughts,
of failings,fears and phobias.
the frustrations,
desperation,
and the hopelessness,
and ultimately resignation,
contriving to push me over the edge,
( and there is,i think,a very strong possibility,that i may be ever so slightly,mad. )
then out of the blue,
i feel so relaxed,
at peace,
like none of it matters.
it's like my mind boiled over,
somebody,
or some thing
acted,
or rather,
reacted,
turned off the gas,
and now the heat is gone.
no frothing,
no foaming,
nothing.
and i'm left feeling quite,
well,
"blank" springs to mind.

there is a distinct possibility,
of a very upturn in my mood.

weird.

so,
i shall go to work tonight,
feeling quite,
empty,
numb,
like a blank canvas.
as if i'm starting all over again.
again.

my very own magic roundabout.
"BOING!"
said zebidde.

what

it really is a rollercoaster.