just bungling along,from one dip in form to the next.....

i've read a couple of chapters of jack dee hoping to be amused,entertained,or just get a laugh.
i wasn't.
and i didn't.
reading of his trials,
minor tribulations,
and ultimate eureka-moment;

a eureka-moment,
what i wouldn't give for one of those,
after so many false dawns.
when you think you've cracked it,
only for it to turn around and bite you on the arse.

instead, i wait for my time to climb board the treadmill.

you read of how so many successful comedians have "suffered for their art".
made their sacrifices,
defying all logic.

well fuck me,
i've had 50 odd years of sufferance.

they speak of having hit absolute,"rock-bottom",
where the only way,
really WAS,
up.

i couldn't do,
a.r.b.
not when there is an alternative.

actually my life hasn't been SO bad.
ISN'T so bad.
i suppose.

but it just isn't enough.

from jack dee to oliver twist.

i want more.

but what?
exactly.

i've lived a life of wanting,
never knowing,
and STILL not knowing,what?
exactly,
it is that i wanted.

just bungling along,
hoping that something would grab me.
well it didn't,hasn't,yet,
as doesn't look likely to.

the bills get paid,
i have a few quid in the bank.
and a job.

but there has to be more.

there just HAS to be.

sorry to seem such an ungrateful cnut.

but that's how i'm feeling right now.

the wheels on the bus go round and round.

Life sucks mostly.

yep.