same old'same old,like i'd never been away.

spewing out my shit.

in self analysis mode again.

i try to convince myself,
like abko used to say,
i really am not doing so badly.
a roof.
a job.
income covering outgoings.

maybe i should kick the bf habit.
with a personality like mine,
it can only fuel negative outlook.

i just don't have the capacity to be happy.

a life of misery,
when i don't have the right to claim such an existance.

why do i have to be such a wimp?
a worrier.
a what-if merchant.

we are what we are.
and it's shit.


sorry juicers.

i,
like most crave the unattainable.
but i am beyond help.
nothing can be done.
my whole life,
as with everybody elses i suppose,
is nothing more than a slow lingering death.

oh for a ray of sunshine eh?
i thought that of stickie's smile.
a ray of sunshine,
on the murkiest of days.
how corny is that?

that really was,
another weird episode in my life.
that i wish i could understand.

life eh?