Greatest Stories Evermore

If you can get Wednesday's Metro, do so. The paper article is a fucking work of art.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/01/28/paul-lovell-man-committed-sex-acts-with-sheep-and-cow-by-tottenham-hotspur-training-ground-4280247/

The cunt should be sectioned.

That too, but the article in the paper is written with so much tongue in cheek that our man in IT would wish it was a sheep.

Couldn't happen to a nicer set of cunts

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/red-faced-manchester-city-fans-turn-6766361

What about this one bert

http://metro.co.uk/2013/11/12/premier-inn-guest-hurled-racist-abuse-with-fire-extinguisher-hose-up-his-bottom-4184507/

A hotel guest emerged naked from a storage cupboard of a Premier Inn with a fire extinguisher hose up his bottom, a court was told.

Joseph Small, 20, stripped off and grabbed the appliance on the fourth floor corridor of the budget hotel.

He then put the hose between his buttocks and began touching himself, Westminster magistrates’ court heard.

Small also urinated on the carpet before a hotel worker wrapped him in a towel and escorted him down to reception.

He then hurled abuse at the Bangladeshi member of staff, telling him: ‘This country has been taken over by al-Qaeda – go back to Pakistan.’

In the lobby, Small again urinated in front of tourists, shouting: ‘I come from Sheffield in England.’

He caused £450 damage, the court was told.

Small admitted criminal damage, racially aggravated harassment and outraging public decency at the Leicester Square, central London hotel on October 31.

Prosecutor Izolda Switala-Gribbin said: ‘A member of staff by the name of Hassan could see a naked man in the corridor on CCTV. He went with a towel and then escorted him down to reception.

‘Hassan then watched CCTV showing the defendant coming out of a storage cupboard, naked and urinating on the lift door. The defendant could also be seen on CCTV placing a fire extinguisher hose and masturbating at the same time. Hassan called the police.’

Small racially abused the two police officers who arrived.

The court was told Small had travelled from Sheffield to make a deal on a used car.

Sentencing was adjourned until December 3 for reports.

   

Anyone remember this

We've already had this, I think? Worth a re-run. The most disturbing thing is this appears not to be the same case, which means Bedford is full of wankers http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-indecently-exposed-himself-on-Bedford-bus-20130612150433.htm

Here's the story

http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm

"Semi-erect"     

NotBert wrote:We've already had this, I think?  Worth a re-run.  The most disturbing thing is this appears not to be the same case, which means Bedford is full of wankers http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-indecently-exposed-himself-on-Bedford-bus-20130612150433.htm

Here's the story

http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm

"Semi-erect"     

   

This

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-27033833

Now you want to see the pic, don't you?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/us-airways-just-tweeted-out-one-of-the-most-graphic-things-y

Cunt of a landing

Tone should have seen this already, but if you got a bus before deregulation in Liverpool, there were red clear transfers on all the windows regarding "wilful damage to seats etc" which stated in capitals

THE EXECUTIVE WILL PRESS
FOR HEAVIEST PENALTIES
AGAINST OFFENDERS

A clear transfer allowed for two edits with a proper pre-decimal florin, though.  And over 40% of them by my reckoning read either

THE EXECUTIVE WILL PRESS
FOR HEAVIEST PENALTIES
AGAINST OFFENDERS

or, more masturbatorily...

THE EXECUTIVE WILL PRESS
FOR HEAVIEST PENALTIES
AGAINST, OFFENDERS

They even fashioned a comma after "again" out of the scraped away letters or the frame of the transfer.

Great times, the youth of today doesn't have that invention any more.  That was on the MPTE (Merseyside Passenger Transport Executive).  Logo was four converging railway tracks that looked not unlike an environmentalist's swastika.

 

NotBert wrote:We've already had this, I think?  Worth a re-run.  The most disturbing thing is this appears not to be the same case, which means Bedford is full of wankers http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-indecently-exposed-himself-on-Bedford-bus-20130612150433.htm

Here's the story

http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm

"Semi-erect"     

This bloke clearly LOVES the X5... February and March?

http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/fgfg/story-22734107-detail/story.html