I see a flaw...

At hospital in the week, having my liver flicked (I kid you not, look up FibroScan) as part one of a two part surveillance test.  Walking past a manned stand outside, off the grounds beyond the "fuck off beyond this line, you smoking cunts".  It was the Witnesses of Jehovah, to give them their non-apostrophised title.  I was offered a booklet.  Curious fucker that I am, I have to take one so that I can, at a later stage, tell people on the internet...

SO...

It has a picture of a bloke punching above his weight and handing a flower to a tidy blonde, big grin on his face, and tells you (remember, we're outside a hospital) that your attitude can be the biggest factor in your illness.  I assume there's a lot of pancreases out there with fucking awful attitudes and between attitude and insulin, one will keep them alive longer than 36 hours.  Anyway...

You open the booklet (I didn't until substantially later - I was reading "Sent Off At Gunpoint", the Willie Johnston Story in the waiting room and the pamphlet was a poor third after that and "anything else") and our man with the flower is in a wheelchair while trying to charm the skirt.  He clearly has a hugely positive attitude despite the incapacity that has him using the chair is the message we are supposed to get.

All I can think is "if positivity is such a healer, how hasn't he got out of the fucking wheelchair, then?"

Further in in the pamphlet it talks about what heaven is and the page before, it has a two page spread on a visit to Liechtenstein.  If heaven is on the next page, I assume it's in Austria, then?

Can't imagine too many people took the leaflet and rather than go for their biopsies, tests, chemotherapy and surgeries, thought "rainbows and lollipops, I think I feel better, I'll go home instead."

Laugh or believe, Tone. I made my choice.
















Praise the Lord.

Went for my ultrasound liver scan this week, part two of two.

Result?

Liver: "We-e-ell"
Gall Bladder: "We-e-ell"
Spleen: "We-e-ell"

Nothing extravagant, everything not A1 at Lloyd's but at the same time, nothing to worry about. As it was to check for possible liver damage because of medication (surveillance for exclusion, not treatment for actual - bloods are fine), I'm taking that as a win.

Latest review was essentially "Everything is going well, maybe we'll take you off that drug that causes cancers".

I didn't disagree. The older I get, the more susceptible I am. Amusing to see the consultant cover the reasons and the evolution in therapy when he had me at hello (I knew all this fifteen years ago, of course; regular bloods and so forth keep an eye on any risk profile building)

NotBert wrote:Latest review was essentially "Everything is going well, maybe we'll take you off that drug that causes cancers".

I didn't disagree.  The older I get, the more susceptible I am.  Amusing to see the consultant cover the reasons and the evolution in therapy when he had me at hello (I knew all this fifteen years ago, of course; regular bloods and so forth keep an eye on any risk profile building)

Had a full non invasive liver screen that picked up positive Anti Smooth muscle antibodies google tells me its associated with Autoimmune Hepatitis consultant discharges me because of a low overall score

The government is going to name and shame places that serve puddings that it considers too big.

So a list of places that don't skimp on the cake? Yeah, that's really going to be successful

"So dear, where shall we go for a bit of cake and a sit down?"
"Well, we have to be careful be don't get a real big slice and enjoy it too much..."
"Are you fucking tapped?2
"No, I was taking the piss. Let's have a look at the 'Government Shame - Get A Proper Serving' list and see if we can eat our own bodyweight in profiteroles for under a tenner."

""We'll go to war with Spain"
"We don't own any aircraft carriers and there's no land border"
"We'll talk loud and wear a fucking big hat then"
"They have bigger and better hats"
"We'll carry out airstrikes, then"
"Not really looking after out expats, then"
"I'm beginning to think you aren't behind this country"
"Have you seen the fucking state?"