World Cup women

POLAND

I don't fucking care how little this has to do with football, I put a pic of Sophie Marceau up because I could.

Iga Wyrwal




Arse and blonde for Tony


I invite you to look her up. Meanwhile, back at the ground...

"We border Germany"



"...and we like threesomes..."




"...being blindfolded..."



"...and old man sex, whether they want it or not..."

Arse and blonde did you say?

ENGLAND

Allow me...

If I haven't mentioned it before, Jenny Agutter.  I am of such an age that for one, she was not averse to nudity at a time of scant nudity; for two, she's absolutely stunning and as I've never seen the Railway Children, I don't have any Yewtree anxiety; and for three, when she talks, she sounds like a vicar's wife and since she's likely to find me "feeling about" her underwear drawer, she's going to be disapproving in a cut glass accent I'm so dirty, so dirty, fucking fucking FUCKING.

So yes, I am somewhat attracted to J.A.

England nearly won the European Championships in 1968, but lost the semi to Yugoslavia. Jenny was inconsolable and left immediately for Australia, where in 1969, aged 16 (yes, I checked) she made Walkabout, a film which, to the teenage me, was something I should watch alone...



The film would not be released until 1971.  In 1970, England threw away a 2 goal lead against West Germany in Mexico when Ramsey subbed Charlton "with the game won" to preserve him for the semi, and lost 3-2.

Jenny was inconsolable, and when the failure to despatch future-3rd-place Poland at Wembley came about, she moved away to Hollywood - it was just too much to take.

In 1976, England's departure from the European Championships at the hands of future winners Czechoslovakia because England couldn't beat third-placed Portugal in 3 hours was too much.  Jenny was inconsolable and immersed herself into the release of Logan's Run, where she wore a bare shift that looked great on, and better off.



This wasn't enough, however, and she also made the critically-acclaimed and somewhat disturbing film Equus.  Peter Firth was in the most difficult role of his career in it, where he would play disturbed teenager Alan Strang who blinds six horses but more importantly, is offered sex by Jenny and strips but cannot perform.  "I couldn't not be hard", said Firth in interviews in later life "it was Jenny Agutter and it was all I could do not to milm all over myself six times an hour - I was twenty-four and it was saluting like a Russian leader watching the army go by - it was up for hours and it showed no signs of stopping.  I took forty-three takes and only managed on the forty-fourth because my nuts actually exploded and diverted the blood elsewhere"



The decade didn't get better, and when England failed to get past Italy by not twatting Finland and Luxembourg hard enough just shy of her twenty-fifth birthday and missing out on Argentina '78, Jenny was inconsolable.  She needed a new project and when An American Werewolf in London (1981) came her way, she jumped at it.  This one's for watching, though, as (i) she's a nurse and (ii) the shower scene.  Just the shower scene.  There's a bed scene as well, but fuck it, watch the film.  The scene in the pornhouse is also pretty good as it's the plot of a skinflick only where every porn script basic is set up but doesn't happen.



England would start qualifying for things again but it would be accepted that they weren't good enough.  Sadly, that meant Jenny became consolable and didn't nude up for us any more.  Now 65, she has not ruled out nudity however, and if she does, I'll be ready.  Southgate, do your thing (Steve McLaren apparently was a big fan too).

Fans?  Oh, OK, I suppose so.

Assuming taken in Marseille


Actually taken in the World Cup no-one remembers in Corfu
L-R - Lisa-Jane, Georgia and Chlamydia


Unfair?  Maybe, maybe not, how many pics have you seen fans carrying a fucking cocktail?
OK, this one has a couple of good points.


Her hopes would have rubbed off on me nicely...
Topless?  Magic.


In order, far left, far left, far left and far left...


...but on this one, the dark-haired mate next door wins every time


Rugby nevertheless seems to have had its women latch on to the nude charity calendar...
Kingston Uni

Liverpool Uni


Tone, every arse there is less than half my age...

That'll do for England, I think. Unless, Jonesy, you want me to squeeze in your arse, which is a positively disgusting innuendo (in your endo) of which, as you can imagine, I am rightly proud and if you say you're not laughing, you're lying.

Take a cold shower Bert

I've always been a big J.A. fan myself.


By the way

I took forty-three takes and only managed on the forty-fourth because my nuts actually exploded and diverted the blood elsewhere"

TBH, Tone, I thoroughly enjoyed that as I put it together. I had a look through the Liverpool Uni charity calendar as well, which I have to applaud at how well it was done, although I felt slightly gay when all this nudity was in front of me and all I could think of was "oh, that's the back of the stand at the university stadium on Mather Avenue, I had several sports days there and may have had my arse print where there's was and I'm hard again..."

Awful long sentence for that punchline but I laughed so you will too.

Have to admit that the woman with the painted front looks as if she'd be handy in a brawl but that just accentuates the fact that she could leather me everywhere and I'd be happy Dynamite nips in particular, I tip my hat to the intelligent designer, he did well there.

Women's rugby post-game showers must be like the film Lust For A Vampire only with lineouts instead of Christopher Lee.

My personal favourite, btw, is Logan's Run. She is unflinchingly spectacular in every scene - like they say with any meal, the first bite is with the eyes...

SPAIN

This will be really difficult, won't it, Tone?





Football reporter Sara Carbonero, Iker Casillas's wife



"I forgot to bring the flag..."
"I'm on it..."



"Told you..."

BELGIUM

Famous for chips, mayonnaise and a statue that pisses.

Oh, and fans who win modelling contracts after being spotted in the crowd



My limited experience of Benelux women is that they have killer racks (She, if you're looking in... no pressure)



The evidence is compelling...

The model-to-be wasn't alone, either...



Horny




Second from left - I'm scared...

Why is this wanker facing the wrong way?
I'm sure she's so caught up in the game she wouldn't notice him turning his entire body around quickly.

I genuinely can't fathom it, Tone. Mind you, as I said about the first of the Peruvian shots earlier, WTF are they doing watching the game when this goddess is among them?

In all fairness, you can imagine that the Spanish lass, when she sends down a couple of bouncers, catches everyone by surprise - "we expected 'tidy', yes, but OMFG, she hid their firm and pert magic better than we ever imagined. Now I'm just off to ruin another pair of pants..."

ICELAND

Plus:  Scandinavia, so should be fish in a barrel
Minus:  Population that doubles when a bus passes through it, so limited numbers, maybe?

Maybe not





Some of them obviously in a small country can't find a babysitter





Worth pointing out that Iceland is also the only side, club or international, that has a greater percentage of replica shirts than the fucking humbugs at St James' Park











I don't think there's been a duplicate, so one more makes eleven, and at that point, the country's entire population has been stripped of its women

That shirt does her no end of favours.  Killer rack



A record number of births were recorded exactly nine months after Iceland beat England in Euro 2016.
The lass above might have been involved, the bloke with her is already tugging at her lovelies inside the ground



Utterly amazing

You're right, the dark haired girl is utterly amazing.

SWITZERLAND

Home of hot chocolate, people who eat their family pets, smoked, and the quietest, yet sexually active navy in the world (inland Switzerland has no substantial navy but if you search for Swiss Navy, as I just did, you find masturbation creams and anal sex lubricants. Might order a wank cream, see what that's about. The cream, not masturbation. Obviously.)

Talking of a crafty wank...

Blerim Dzemaili is going the World Cup and his wife, Erjona Sulejmani wll be there.



This isn't her husband, but unless on the bottle, the luckiest baby in Swiss history



You can use the flag in a Bernie The Bolt "Nipple Shot" game
"Just a tad out..."



It is customary for friends to grab each other by the genitals



Or you can grab yourself by the genitals...

The girl holding the ball would get it good and proper mate.

CROATIA

They all wear tablecloths - an ingenious flag choice.





"Hrvatska" is Croat for Croatia. It's also the word this bloke is saying as it goes off because that tablecloth is covering the act of penetration...



Whereas if you look log enough, she's pouting...



"Now go away and look at something else. Not just my boobs"

SWEDEN

30 nations of erectile dysfunction cures and then Sweden. I have to space the 30 out because frankly, it's too much abrasion for one penis. I'm having to outsource my hand shandies. Which is nice.

Sweden, lets face it, will come out the blocks sharp and not be for catching...



Told you. Just to assert that theory...



And they like a drink too...



Oh my stars... The middle one, no the right, no, OMFG, I've gone decision blind



Nasty, I'd get nasty (and so on)



I kid you not, these are all within the first ten matches I got. No wonder they never win anything, how the fuck are the players supposed to concentrate?



The numbers are going up, not down, and the bloke in back must have a permanent semi at least



Blue first, then yellow. Then blue again. Then yellow.



Even the players...

DENMARK

Scandinavia. Known for its uggos? No, no it isn't.

"If Carlsberg made a playmate for Jonathan King...

"

The squad aren't too shabby either



They even do charity work with the congentinally fucking stupid...



O. M. F. G.



Happy happy happy



Apparently this is Germany v Ghana so can't see why I've posted these body-painted skinflick actresses...



Assume Danes, and I'm done. In every sense...

Not a women thing, but the History Channel is running a football fortnight at the minute - the official films of FIFA '70 and FIFA '74 have been on the last couple of nights. Other decent fillers as well

NotBert wrote:SAUDI ARABIA

Super-repressive regime that among other things, doesn't allow women to watch, repression indulged by the UK, this is going to go well...

Government-decreed garb


The escapees

Seems Boris Johnson is a cunt, Saudi-style