The greatest striker ever to grace the Premiership moves...

1936: DONE DEAL James Beattie has passed a medical, agreed personal terms and therefore completed his loan move from Rangers to Blackpool until the end of the season.

He's shite

I know, Tone, but given Torres has just ruined about 40,000 kids shirts in Liverpool alone and will probably create a bonfire of autobiographies on Sunday, I bet you weren't expecting me to talk about James Beattie, a man who will never appear on the Goals thread in football.

Never.

I solemnly vow that now. Next entries will be

Manny Sanon
The Second Division Years (and no, that isn't Beattie either)