I almost burnt the house down

Bert wrote:

morning_glory wrote:

Bert wrote:Hit it with a brush or some such, then - fit blokes in uniforms depend on the result

(Why am I trying to get firemen around for you when I've got a car, a stepladder...)

smoothtalker.

If I'm doing well talking about cars and a stepladder, wahey, I'm in...

im a cheap date.

morning_glory wrote:when I was a child people had them on their Christmas trees ffs.I remember a small girl getting burnt to death when her nightie caught fire.so that put me off.

Caused more fire insurance claims (in the season, obviously) than anything else way back when. Seem to remember a Chicago hospital burned down that way.

morning_glory wrote:

Bert wrote:

morning_glory wrote:

Bert wrote:Hit it with a brush or some such, then - fit blokes in uniforms depend on the result

(Why am I trying to get firemen around for you when I've got a car, a stepladder...)

smoothtalker.

If I'm doing well talking about cars and a stepladder, wahey, I'm in...

im a cheap date.

And I'm a cheap bastard - match.com

I only go on free sites.arent you married

No, I mean the cheap/cheap was a match. We're online, so .com. Ended up using a cryptic crossword clue as a punchline. That's a bit crap even for me.

I am uncommonly faithful, MG, and am not driven to philandering. The beauty of that is it allows me limitless harmless innuendo. The disadvantage is that women realise they can't bat an eyebrow at me and expect me to roll over. The disadvantage is when they realise they have to talk to me on merit and they don't know how to as they trade mainly on their looks.

That isn't all women. There is a significant minority who do fit that bill, though.

is that why you didnt turn up today

You can have either
(i) yes
or
(ii) I did, but stayed out the back behind the bins sneaking the odd peek and teasing my gentleman and self polluting dirty, dirty, so fucking dirty but my God I can't help myself I don't want to go to hell but if I can't do this in heaven I'll take the pitchforks I might get a job in admin and get to send someone to Matthew Wright they say it puts hairs on the palms of your hands and every bloke on here now has just looked at the palms of their hands the dirty bastards and I try, I really try but I just can't stop help me Jeebus help meeeeeeee...

See, MJ, everyone goes for (ii) there...

DexterMorgan72 wrote:

morning_glory wrote:I used to unplug the video, it used to drive the kids mental

resetting the timer

Bert wrote:No, I mean the cheap/cheap was a match. We're online, so .com. Ended up using a cryptic crossword clue as a punchline. That's a bit crap even for me.

I am uncommonly faithful, MG, and am not driven to philandering. The beauty of that is it allows me limitless harmless innuendo. The disadvantage is that women realise they can't bat an eyebrow at me and expect me to roll over. The disadvantage is when they realise they have to talk to me on merit and they don't know how to as they trade mainly on their looks.

That isn't all women. There is a significant minority who do fit that bill, though.

oh

Only dumb women trade on their looks.

candles = pikey cunt. HTH.

morning_glory wrote:

Bert wrote:No, I mean the cheap/cheap was a match. We're online, so .com. Ended up using a cryptic crossword clue as a punchline. That's a bit crap even for me.

I am uncommonly faithful, MG, and am not driven to philandering. The beauty of that is it allows me limitless harmless innuendo. The disadvantage is that women realise they can't bat an eyebrow at me and expect me to roll over. The disadvantage is when they realise they have to talk to me on merit and they don't know how to as they trade mainly on their looks.

That isn't all women. There is a significant minority who do fit that bill, though.

oh

Only dumb women trade on their looks.

Indeed. On the flip side, my women friends tend to be really well-balanced and personable, though. Which is handy given I'm a melting fried egg short of a Dali.

chips wrote:candles = pikey cunt. HTH.

why are you on here?....your the only woman on this site and the other one that as it in for me...why is that?

Downstairs telly, freeview box, dvd player, video, fridge, freezer, microwave, aquarium pump, upstairs telly, desk lamp, dvd player, computer, orange livebox and speakers - all left plugged in every night.

Glimmer wrote:Downstairs telly, freeview box, dvd player, video, fridge, freezer, microwave, aquarium pump, upstairs telly, desk lamp, dvd player, computer, orange livebox and speakers - all left plugged in every night.

Lenny Bruce is not afraid...

Got a settings problem Bert, all I can see is the red cross in the corner.

I was going to do that, Feldy

Glimmer, go into profile, preferences second tab and the bottom six buttons should be one on top of the other and "yes". I think that sorts it out.

Bert wrote:I was going to do that, Feldy

Glimmer, go into profile, preferences second tab and the bottom six buttons should be one on top of the other and "yes". I think that sorts it out.

Fan of the talking heads mate, never conformed.

Feldy wrote:

Bert wrote:I was going to do that, Feldy

Glimmer, go into profile, preferences second tab and the bottom six buttons should be one on top of the other and "yes". I think that sorts it out.

Fan of the talking heads mate, never conformed.

In more ways than one - David Byrne is, as far as I'm aware, still not an American national even now. How do you like that, Anthony "Snowdon" Hopkins?

Bert wrote:I was going to do that, Feldy

Glimmer, go into profile, preferences second tab and the bottom six buttons should be one on top of the other and "yes". I think that sorts it out.

It didn't

Just logged back in via Firefox, I can see it all now.



Fuck knows what's wrong with my IE settings.

Glimmer wrote:Just logged back in via Firefox, I can see it all now.



Fuck knows what's wrong with my IE settings.

Thank Christ for that - half of my gags are going to waste otherwise...

I woke up with a headache this morning there is still fumes lingering.