mood,swings...not moodswings.and then,i suppose it is.i'm confused now.aint that a surprise.anyway....

last night,
i didn't want to go to work.
was dreading it almost.
hating,resenting,everything about work.
especially the people with whom i partake of this tedious ritual.

and within minutes of my getting there,
i was overwhelmed with feelings of,
" not careing,and thoughts of "well fuck you" ".
came to the fore.
the shift,
neither particularly good,
nor bad,
passed.

and right now,
i'm not really thinking about it in anyway.
other than it just being a means to an end.
and i feel as though,some how,a great weight has been rested from me.
weird huh?

rather lends credence to the notion of "chemical imbalance" imo.

that's one of the reasons for my unwillingness to go down the anti-depressant road.
it must be a tough one to get right.
too much?
and me?
in happy mode?


that is one helluva leap.

that would surely cause a system failure,
collision-course or what?

and at the moment i feel as though i'm in recovery,
and i don't know why.
kind of mmmmmmmmmmm,
calm detachment.

whatever.

onwards and upwards.

racing on towards my next abyss.

fucked if i know.

btw,
i have reached the conclusion,
that it's not their fault.

it's me,
i know it.
i'm the misfit.
the nigger in the wood-pile.
i don't belong there.
it's not my world.
just a means to an end.
and it's a bind.

but there you go.