OK, we'll get jobs, say poor people

BRITAIN'S poor people have finally conceded defeat and vowed to find work first thing this morning.
morning.

As the government pressed ahead with welfare reform despite some bishops rejecting a £26,000 benefit cap, the nation’s job centres braced themselves for an influx of millions, ready to embark on a fantastic career.

Experts predicted it will be the first time Britain has experienced full employment since 526, when Olaf the Prudent opened the Dark Ages' largest pig showroom, in Colchester.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Welfare reform is always complex and controversial but I think we can safely say that this time it is going to be perfect."

Long-term claimant Nikki Hollis said: "Don't get me wrong, while raising two kids in a bedsit on eighty quid a week has been a hoot, I finally have to accept that play time is over.

"I just can't decide whether to work for a major clearing bank or a traditional, high street retailer. Talk about your dizzying rainbow of life-changing opportunities."

The entire benefits system is expected to be defunct by early March, making thousands of people unemployed who were formerly employed in preventing bedsit-based malnutrition. However, most of them are expected to quickly find work as racing drivers or astronauts.

Nobby Cheese wrote:BRITAIN'S poor people have finally conceded defeat and vowed to find work first thing this morning.
morning.

As the government pressed ahead with welfare reform despite some bishops rejecting a £26,000 benefit cap, the nation’s job centres braced themselves for an influx of millions, ready to embark on a fantastic career.

Experts predicted it will be the first time Britain has experienced full employment since 526, when Olaf the Prudent opened the Dark Ages' largest pig showroom, in Colchester.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Welfare reform is always complex and controversial but I think we can safely say that this time it is going to be perfect."

Long-term claimant Nikki Hollis said: "Don't get me wrong, while raising two kids in a bedsit on eighty quid a week has been a hoot, I finally have to accept that play time is over.

"I just can't decide whether to work for a major clearing bank or a traditional, high street retailer. Talk about your dizzying rainbow of life-changing opportunities."

The entire benefits system is expected to be defunct by early March, making thousands of people unemployed who were formerly employed in preventing bedsit-based malnutrition. However, most of them are expected to quickly find work as racing drivers or astronauts.

Brilliant, Tone.

I believe the government have gave a bump to a private equity firm to start a company of tent arsonists. Theresa May said today that

We are also helping the police and Locog (London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games) to deal with the other emerging threats that have faced the Home Office in recent months, such as encampment protests http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16725467

Encampment protests aren't fucking threats, you stupid witch. They're an inalienable right to protest. We're now worse than Syria because we have pretensions of democracy which are simply untrue.

Cameron weighing in on human rights too.

"Rein them in"

Two days before Holocaust Memorial Day. He'll murder me before parliament is out, the fucking cunt