Joke

Nobby finishes reading the book ' Be the man in you own home' He calls to his wife and said ''From now on my word is law. You will cook me a gourmet meal tonight and afterwards we will have the kind of sex that I want starting with Anal. You will bathe me as I relax, towel me dry and massage my feet ready for a good nights sleep. Tomrrow take a guess at who will dress me and comb my hair'' The wife replied ''The fuckin funeral director would be my first guess''

Because of the severe weather conditions in the UK at the moment the Government has issued this warning. Anyone travelling in snow or icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing including a scarf, hat, and gloves, 24 hour food supply 3 ltr drinking water, de-icer rock salt, flash light, safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can and a set of jumper cables. Eric looked a right twat on the bus this morning!!!

Ched Evans, Craig Thomson and Adam Johnson are sat having a drink in a pub overlooking a girls' school...

Johnson said "My girlfriend goes there. She's fifteen but seems a lot older, she's one of a couple of girls from there I could have got it on with"
Thomson counters "I've got a couple of girlfriends there aged fourteen and twelve, and I could have got it on with five or six"
Evans sneers at the two of them. "A couple, five or six, I could get it on with every girl in the school, no bother. I could have any girl in there I want."
"How's that then, Ched?"
"Because I'm a rapist"







Footballers. Cunts the lot if them

After hearing a rumour, Jonesy went on to Wikipedia and read the entry in there that was titled "Bert's cock"

She was amused to read the message
"This article is a stub: please help us by expanding it"

Cheeky cunts

Harry Connick Jr and Michael Bubble found dead

Croonervirus, apparently

Thank fuck for that.