how strange life is;

i got up this morning,
aching like stink.
waited for the other two to rise,
and then i went and crawled into a nice warm bed for a few hours.
didn't really sleep.
just dozed intermittently.
and all the time thinking,
of work,
and that i just can't do this any more.
things really did hurt.
and then,
mid-day came.
and went.
i got up.
had a shit,shave,and a shower.
and it all just kicked in.
amazing.
i've been out of town to morrison's.
i don't really like morrison's but i just ate one of their oranges,
sweet.juicy.brilliant.
and so now i'm home.
jacket spuds cooking.
pissing down here btw.
yes i still ache,
but i'm sure that i shall cope.
as you do.
i keep thinking of stickie,
(can't help it)
and the absurdity of it all.
i'm sure that she must've worked it all out.
and i'd loved just to say sorry.
but i'm too much of a wimp.
so,
best just let it be i reckon.
i wish i'd never spoken to her.
it was a moment of weakness.
and yes i was thinking foul thoughts.
how ridiculous is that ffs?
well anyway,
common sense did prevail,
and i'm okay now.

not looking forward to work.
but i wouldn't want to be not working.
that's problem.
what DO i want ffs.
i mean,
if i DID win the lottery,
i still have to wake up every day.
to face another tomorrow.
and another.
and another.
so much potential in my life for disaster right now.
not to mention some really bad shit that DO know is going to hit,
eventually.
there's just no escaping life is there.
who knows?
maybe death isn't so far away,
but i doubt it.
i shall live to see a hundred.
that seems to be the way of things.
just to get off,
out,
away.
but to where?
to what?
and how?
well,
i got things to do.

i've got a ding-dong of a headache.
pracetamols imo.

sorry about the whinge.

life eh?

that's not entirely accurate.

i suppose i was just knocked out by her smile.

i mean,
wtf am i going to do at my age?