Some strange cunts out there.

A patient is recovering after his anus swallowed a bottle while he was trying to relieve an itch. The man, 60, who is not being identified, insists that he was trying to scratch his anus when the cologne bottle was gobbled up inside him. He eventually went to hospital where he told doctors he had a pain in his abdomen. They investigated and when they got to the bottom of it they found the two-inch wide bottle lodged firmly up his posterior. Gastroenterologist Dr Lin Jun, who carried out the anal surgery, released pictures from the hospital in South China’s Guangdong Province as a warning to others not to do the same.
A probe found the base of the seven inch-long Florida Water cologne bottle around two inches inside his anus. Dr Lin said: ‘The patient told me: “My abdomen hurts. There’s something inside. I can’t poo or fart”. ‘The entire glass bottle was inside his rectum. I could feel the bottle under his abdomen. He said his anus was itching. ‘He said: “I was very uncomfortable, so I bought a bottle of Florida Water and began scratching the itch. ‘Then the bottle accidentally went up my rectum”.’

Nobby Cheese wrote:A patient is recovering after his anus swallowed a bottle while he was trying to relieve an itch. The man, 60, who is not being identified, insists that he was trying to scratch his anus when the cologne bottle was gobbled up inside him. He eventually went to hospital where he told doctors he had a pain in his abdomen. They investigated and when they got to the bottom of it they found the two-inch wide bottle lodged firmly up his posterior. Gastroenterologist Dr Lin Jun, who carried out the anal surgery, released pictures from the hospital in South China’s Guangdong Province as a warning to others not to do the same.
A probe found the base of the seven inch-long Florida Water cologne bottle around two inches inside his anus.  Dr Lin said: ‘The patient told me: “My abdomen hurts. There’s something inside. I can’t poo or fart”. ‘The entire glass bottle was inside his rectum. I could feel the bottle under his abdomen. He said his anus was itching. ‘He said: “I was very uncomfortable, so I bought a bottle of Florida Water and began scratching the itch. ‘Then the bottle accidentally went up my rectum”.’

Somewhere there is a subeditor wanking himself silly over that in bold above, and frankly, he deserves a big hand.

If it happens again, meanwhile, the correct response is a shrug and the words 'I was bored and horny'