Man smashes up betting shop.

A man went beserk in a Sheffield betting shop yesterday afternoon, bullying customers and smashing TV screens.
The man walked into the bookies in Sheffield City Centre at 3.30pm and placed £200 on a horse called Harbour Law running in the 3.45pm at Doncaster at odds of 22/1. The horse won the race and as it crossed the finishing line the man jumped on top of a chair and did a nazi salute. He then barged over to the counter and demanded his money.
A shop worker who has asked not to be named said "His bet paid £4,600 and I had to wait 15 minutes to get the cash out of the safe. While the man was waiting he was throwing pens at customers, scrunching up betting slips and making monkey noises. Eventually I paid him his money and he pulled a £5 note from his winnings, crushed it into a ball and threw it at my head and said "Go and get yourself a drink porky" - he was such a horrible man"
The man continued gambling throughout the afternoon and was repeatedly seen rolling up betting slips and snorting cocaine as bemused customers looked on. Eye witness Dave Nibble said "The man started to lose his money and started getting more and more irate. I saw him lose 1000 in the roulette machine in about 5 minutes. He picked up a chinese customer and threw him out of the shop. The poor bloke landed on top of a moving taxi"
The man placed his last £100 on a dog race and unfortunately his selection was bumped on a corner, finishing the race in last place. The man then punched several TV screens and dived through the main window of the shop before running off down the street.
PC Ken Grobbelaar of South Yorkshire Police said "We are looking for a white man aged between 40-50, approx 5ft in height. He was wearing black leather trousers, a black leather vest and white knee length leather boots. He had a thick gold chain round his neck and spoke with a London accent

Tidy work, Tone

It's not fiction Bert......it's real!


https://www.facebook.com/1631164087150148/photos/a.1631168150483075.1073741827.1631164087150148/1750397981893424/?type=3&theater

Tone, Lancy that I am, I would like to believe that Yorkshire News are too fucking stupid to use spellchecker and basic grammar, I'd even let the cross-dressing and description slide but I draw the line at PC Grobbelaar* and Dave Nibble.

Same source, again, the names...:

WOMAN BANNED FOR LIFE ON BRADFORD BUSES

A woman has received a lifetime ban from a Bradford bus company after repeatedly breaking wind in their vehicles. On one occasion a driver was physically sick.

Bradford Magistrates Court heard how Yolande Pogba, aged 48 from Lumb Lane, Bradford revelled in what she was doing and on most occasions would bend over to create the maximum impact.

On 18th June 2016, Mrs Pogba (pictured) boarded a packed bus at Bradford Interchange and crouched next to an elderly gentleman. As the bus set off, she let off an excruciating sound from her bottom. Mrs Pogba, clearly impressed with her actions then shouted "Some bastard has squashed a Frog"

The bus company recorded 148 separate incidents. On the 22nd June, she boarded a bus in Holmewood and forced her way into the drivers cab, repeatedly breaking wind, cupping her hands and rubbing the atrocious smell into the drivers face until he was sick.

Solicitor Rick Head, representing Mrs Pogba asked for the court to be sympathetic "My client is addicted to Jamaican Rum and kidney beans and unfortunately this brings out the worst in her personality and makes her bottom talk"

The court fined Mrs Pogba £375 and ordered her to pay £20 compensation to the bus driver - Mr Bob Aloo Bhuna. She was also sentenced to 120 hours community service.











*"Chief Inspector Grobbelaar to you, son" - it's a line from Bottom, Tone

Pure fucking genius.