what a night,on my living-room floor.

my mind was an absolute maelstrom of thinking.
so many thoughts and images,all jumbled up.Wish i could record it all sometimes,and upload it onto here.
i want to say so much sometimes,and yet,i have nothing to say,nothing at all.
i thought about starting a blog,using this place,phpbb?or whatever it is,but what would i call it?and it would probably be removed,eventually.

so many thoughts last night,a right old looking back,god knows why.it aint pretty.

and so,to now;
i won't number days,
cos it probably won't last.
i think that there's going to be a few crossroads' to negotiate like:
okay,you've come this far,and you're no longer able to work.
decision time.
then,if i go on,the real biggie,
okay,you've come this far,your body is starting to pack-up.
like i said,the biggie.
i really want this.

do i jump?
or not?

and what if the wife wants me to leave,
where will i go?

we're still not speaking,i need to clear the air with her,but it's difficult.

she's downstairs getting ready to leave.
i think i'm gonna leave it to her.
can't push this.

i tried to play on betfair yesterday,
heart just wasn't in it,
couldn't concentrate,
won 48p.

and right now,physically,i feel fine,i really do.

i knew a bloke once,said that he fasted every sunday.
"good for body and soul".he used to say.
absolutely no food,just water,for 24hrs.
maybe it was a religious thing.
i found that incredible.

just attempted small talk,we have somebody coming to look at our tumble-dryer.
it ended with:
"you can be here tomorrow then?i didn't realise".i said.
and as i closed the door to come upstairs,
"i told you enough times,you don't fuckin listen".
showing off in front of lardthing.
our existence is so miserable.

i wouldn't mind leaving this place to them,
they can have it.

i can't blame them,i deserve it.
and regets are no consolation.

i was gonna go to bed,
this was where i'd go and do myself a big basin of prunie porridge.

i've bought a few extra lotto tickets for tonight,
if ever there was a time.
oh i wish.

she just left without saying "see yer later".again.

i don't know if she's noticed that i haven't eaten.
we're gonna have to talk about it sometime.

maybe she's angry because she made a real effort with christmas dinner,
and i never ate a morsel.

and lardthing,well
she used to worry about him not eating,
but if you spend your days doing absolutely nothing,you're not going to feel hunger are you.
he'll be on a high right now.
and that's a shame.
really.

i'm not proud of how things are.
three totally wasted lives.

lardthing looking a bit lively,
showered already,
like he has some place to go to.
his room.

20 odd views?
nah,only me adding bits.
i sat here one night,
started a thread,
and kept going back,
adding bits.
and then when i went to send,
the fuckin place had logged me out.
lost the lot.
some loss eh?
juicepunters won that one.
trying to tell me something?

time for a cup of water,
with a dash of orange.
give the old kidneys something to do.

it's no good,
i'm fkd.
bedtime.

Will come back to this later, but reading the title, you know what you're in for (and excellent use of "maelstrom") from Eric, but had it been BOAT, we'd all be staring at a shagging scene about now.

and carpet burns on the knees,
fuck they get sore,
unless you got a plush pile of course,
as boat probably has.

maelstrom a poor choice actually,
more like a tornado,
but that didn't seem quite mmmmmmmmmm apt.
i don't know.

You tend to know what you're getting with a tornado. Maelstrom is far more sinister and arguably a greater force.

and quite unpredictable i guess.

Can't see the turbulence when it's under the surface, Eric.

Fuck me....Eric finally cracked.

Mad Tony wrote:Fuck me....Eric finally cracked.

He'll be pleased to see you tony, you might be able to offer him some trades on the euro soccer front.

I think he needs some of my medication more than my tips!

Mad Tony wrote:I think he needs some of my medication more than my tips!

What you on? Ive been given some Gabapentin and Phenytoin i take both lots at 10pm and i think they are making me hyper and not sleepy

Because of my heart failure I'm on 7 different drugs a day.
Fuck their names....all you need to know is the side effects stink.

I've brought this to the top solely because I've spent quite a bit of time laying the living room floor.

I am Man doing manly things. I am now going to have beer and shellfish.

NotBert wrote:I've brought this to the top solely because I've spent quite a bit of time laying the living room floor.

I am Man doing manly things.  I am now going to have beer and shellfish.

Bad back bert?