thinking about my state of mind,and work.

just totally fkd.
24/7.
yeah,
i know,
blah'blah.
been here a million times.

but homelife,
worklife,
socially,
( now THERE'S a thought )
"social ilfe",
what's that?

apathy,
no enthusiasm,
or vitality.

vitality i miss the most.
it must be awful for those around you when you're so lack lustre,
not interested,
totally dis-engaged,
with everybody,
and everything.

that's what i need,
vitality pills.

i've spent an age pondering the stickie,
and other similar situations,
where i haven't bothered to,
(how can i put this?)
well,
engage i suppose.

it's like,
i don't deserve,am unworthy of them.

and they don't deserve to have me imposing myself upon them.

so i dwell,
and i ponder,
the rights,
and the wrongs,
the wisdom,
and the fairness of it all,
invariably i back off,
another potential friend,
dwifts quietly away.
and i,
am left with nothing.

it's for the best i tell myself.
best for whom?
well them of course.

so my life,
and my world,
stays empty.

i can't even get enthusiastic about betfair right now.

and i watch opportunities slip by,
because i didn't dare to dive in.

i'm just not a "dive in" sortta person.

and another day,
another week,
month,
is gone.

for nothing.

sorry gents.

searching for an answer here.

i simply cannot see where going to a doctor,
whinging about being fed-up,
is going to help.

fed-up?
yeah right.
me and 3 million others.