Re: Today's whimsy

Guest Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:55 pm

"Ouagadougou fun" - 9 results

Burkina Faso is too hot to be happy

Guest Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:59 pm

"Celibate fun" - about 162 results
"Celibate porn" - about 2,690 results

Some people are just fucking stupid

"Sycamore fun" - about 397 results

Do people not play with "helicopters" any more?

Guest Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:43 am

"Dettol fun" - 5 results
"Dettol porn" - no results

Which just goes to show that Dettol provides squeaky clean, antibacterial fun.

Guest Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:50 am

"Aeronautical porn" - 34 results. I would hazard a guess all from geeks who get a tingle in their nadsack if they see someone polishing a Spitfire.

"Aeronautical fun" - 3,280 results. There are more things to do in an airfield than have a wank.

Guest Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:17 pm

"...can fuck off"

The target here should be the biggest score.

Louis Walsh - 1 (amazingly)
Graham Norton - 4
Piers Morgan - 3
Simon Cowell - 79 Laughing

David Cameron - 545 Laughing

Nick Clegg - 7 (really, it's so embarrassing)
Noel Edmonds - 3
Gordon Brown - 1,070 Laughing

Harriet Harman - 8 (fucking apathy of this country...)
Madonna - 662
Cheryl Cole - 7
Ashley Cole - 326 including a Facebook page in the name

bitofatwat Fri Dec 03, 2010 10:58 pm

Paul Robinson gets 1 too Laughing

Guest Fri Dec 03, 2010 11:20 pm

bitofatwat wrote:Paul Robinson gets 1 too

Driv lives on...

https://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=54426135648&topic=5784

bitofatwat Sat Dec 04, 2010 12:01 am

Bert wrote:
bitofatwat wrote:Paul Robinson gets 1 too

Driv lives on...javascript:emoticonp('')

https://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=54426135648&topic=5784

Guest Sat Dec 04, 2010 6:58 pm

In an appalling state of affairs, given the initial drift...

Disney porn - about 935,000 results

Fucking hell, I've just watched Lilo and Stitch and that's soured me. Irrespective of how smoking hot Disney's women are

NotBert Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:29 am

This thread has set me thinking again... I shall return

NotBert Sat Jun 25, 2011 12:49 pm

"Christian porn" - 237,000
"Muslim porn" - 358,000 - conclusive proof that even with the hijab, Christians are uptight anal fuckers
"Seventh Day Adventist porn" - 3 - no wonder Koresh was so reviled
"Jewish porn" - 239,000 - considering the minority status, they outstrip Christians. Literally
"Catholic porn" - 96,800 - majority of designated Christians but I suppose a picture of a 78-year-old man in a dress has limited possibilities
"Hindu porn" - 70,300 - an emerging market, though, if every economist in the world is to be believed
"Shinto porn" - 54 - market saturated by manga. Religious porn doesn't stand a chance in the face of half woman/half cat with big tits squeaking rhythmically
"Taoist porn" - 235
"Buddhist porn" - 20,600 - "Be at one with the porn"
"Scottish presbyterian porn" - 2, and both are the same site. Seems Gordon Brown has limited options.
"Anabaptist porn" - Nil. You think they're uptight but when you go for arguably the subset of
"Amish porn" (yes, back there again) you find an eye-watering 447,000 and a clean (or dirty) winner.

Guest Sat Jun 25, 2011 12:50 pm

NotBert wrote:
"Taoist porn" - 235

NotBert Mon May 20, 2013 2:05 am

Guest wrote:Walking along, I had a thought. Remember my "... is a cunt" test?

Example:
Using Google and quotation marks,

"Alex Ferguson is a cunt" - About 3,080 results 63,400 now
"David Cameron is a cunt" - About 3,180 results 132,000 now
"Nick Clegg is a cunt" - About 101 results (minority again, Nicky boy...)17,000 now
"Simon Heffer is a cunt" - 3 results 4 now
"Simon Cowell is a cunt" - About 2,280 results 33,000 now
"Louis Walsh is a cunt" - About 1,010 results ("but it's so much harder in my category than Simon's") 134,000 now - STELLAR
"Gordon Brown is a cunt" - About 66,900 results including three video links (cf. Tony Blair, 32,200, one video ) 48,500 - a huge drop. Blair now a stellar 229,000
"George Bush is a cunt" - About 6,720 results 34,900 now
"George W Bush is a cunt" - About 1,420 results (including the website bushisacunt.com) 10,700 now
"Osama Bin Laden is a cunt" - 4 results 6 now. Seems death hasn't stopped him

So you see the disparity. On the one hand, the three most recent prime minsters rack up over 100,000 complete matches. The man who was the biggest threat to western society over the last decade has 8,000 allowing for the dropping of his middle name while his nemesis totals four and possibly the biggest cunt in the country scores three.

Of course, an obscure or non-British canvasser for cunt status is going to score lower (Ahmadinejad, 6 but only 1 if you add Mahmoud, Gaddafi, 3, add Muammar you get none, but Ashley Cole, 8,970) because it's our word and not theirs.

So what would the web embrace internationally to draw a fun comparison? Well, you know the answer. It's porn.

Therefore, feel free to add your Google quotes of results for "... porn". The lower the score the better, IMO, because that would be some weird shit that next to no-one does but some fucking lunatic from Tegucigalpa has thought "let's widen the audience" and failed, massively.

So to start

"Insect porn" - 14,500
"Santa porn" - 57,100 Almost as popular as Gordon Brown is unpopular
"Manatee porn" - a frankly impressive 10,200
"Axolotl porn" - 6. We're getting there...
"Somerset porn" - 623
"Parliamentary porn" - 974
"Ahmadinejad porn" - 8 - it seems there's better use for the term "cunt", then
"Galashiels porn" - 1

Feel free to add your own. A marvellous way to while away a minute or twenty

NotBert Mon May 20, 2013 2:31 am

Guest wrote:"...can fuck off"

The target here should be the biggest score.

Louis Walsh - 1 (amazingly) 5 - UP
Graham Norton - 4 4 - A NON MOVER
Piers Morgan - 3 2,040 - THE WORLD HAS SPOKEN, CUNTCHOPS
Simon Cowell - 79 471 - NOT EXPONENTIAL BUT STILL IMPRESSIVE
David Cameron - 545 15,100 - HE'LL SEE THAT AS A VICTORY
Nick Clegg - 7 (really, it's so embarrassing) 638 - HE'LL BE PLEASED TOO
Noel Edmonds - 3 7 - INCHES UP
Gordon Brown - 1,070 8 - FUCK ME, WHAT A REHABILITATION!
Harriet Harman - 8 (fucking apathy of this country...) 6 - SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT
Madonna - 662 3,210 - IRRITATING CUNT
Cheryl Cole - 7 3,660 - SPECTACULAR
Ashley Cole - 326 including a Facebook page in the name 3,410 - AMAZINGLY, FEWER THAN HIS EX-WIFE

Guest Mon May 20, 2013 10:52 am

NotBert Mon May 20, 2013 10:52 pm

The instructions are there, Eric.

"Ayatollah porn" - a spectacular 143

NotBert Wed May 07, 2014 12:15 am

The Walker Brothers sang "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Any More"

A couple of decades on, A-Ha sang "The Sun Always Shines On TV"

Without getting too mathematical about it, what happened when the Walker Brothers appeared on TV? Or indeed, if they owned a TV, what happened then? I have a feeling that a couple of perennial mysteries like who built the Nazca lines would come out of the solution...

NotBert Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:20 pm

Remember when ADD didn't exist and there was only ADHD?

Did someone get distracted and miss out the

NotBert Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:16 pm

The older Tom Jones gets

Today's whimsy - Page 2 61773410

the more he is turning into

Today's whimsy - Page 2 Img10

BILLY OCEAN!

Guest Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:49 pm

Look at my avatar and you'll see the cunts have both copied my goatee.
Mad

NotBert Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:15 pm

It's not unusual, Tone. It's when the growing gets tough...

(That's fucking A, even if I say so myself)

NotBert Mon Mar 07, 2016 2:43 am

These First Ladies are fucking hard to kill, aren't they?

Mamie Eisenhower was born in the 1800s, FFS. Since Jackie Kennedy died of cancer aged 64, undoubtedly not helped by her 60-a-day smoking habit and the fact that if you put Kennedy on the end, you lose 30 years immediately, we have

Lady Bird Johnson - died at 94, survived her husband
Pat Nixon - died at 81, but survived by Dickie after hiding out with her post-impeachment reclusive crook of a husband
Betty Ford - died at 93, survived her husband
Rosalynn Carter - 88, she and Jimmy are still kicking, they'll be 70 years married in July
Nancy Reagan - died today at 94, survived her husband
Barbara Bush - 90, still going with George Snr, married for 71 years (during WW2, amazingly) and counting
Hillary Clinton - 68, she wants to be the fucking president. Still married to spunkboy Bill, 40 years and counting
Laura Bush - 69, still married to Dubya, 38 years along
Michelle Obama - 52, still married to Barack, 24 years in

They must be on some sort of injection of pig pancreas or monkey glands or some such. The dead ones after Jackie average over 90 years and one of the livings is already in that number with another a paper's breadth away.

Must be a political thing - look at Denis Healey, Michael Foot, Jim and Audrey Callaghan and even as a head of state, the Queen, Phil and her mum.

Fucking Joe 90 drug bastards.

Guest Mon Mar 07, 2016 1:36 pm

NotBert wrote:

Hillary Clinton - 68, she wants to be the fucking president. Still married to spunkboy Bill, 40 years and counting

Fucking Joe 90 drug bastards.

NotBert Thu Mar 10, 2016 3:26 pm

Have we always had 25 replies to a page or has some fucker hacked my setting and been trying to send me to Port Moresby again?

she Sat Mar 12, 2016 11:54 am

NotBert wrote:Remember when ADD didn't exist and there was only ADHD?

Did someone get distracted and miss out the

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