Dutch Seagull Recipe

Guest Sun Nov 25, 2018 3:36 pm

This recipe is due to that remarkable high and mighty people, the Dutch. Living in their half -submerged Dutchlandia, and being provided by nature exclusively with sandy soil where only the giant fire-nettle grows, the wily Dutch had to make do with what nature gave them.
The seagulls.
Majestically cavorting in the clear-when-they-are-not-rainy Dutch skies (in Dutch that is only one word, but I can't write it here because the writeups are limited to 32 kilobytes), the common seagull is easily caught by using a number 32 Killaree spring mayfly on a 4 feet lightweight carbon fider rod, or even more easily by placing some garbage on the ground and whacking the bird with a pair of klompen (this is the preferred Dutch method).
Having killed the bird, let us admire its plumage as the dying colors of the Dutch sunset shine in the clear-when-they-are-not-rainy sky (again, there is a Dutch word for the concept, but it is never used since it always rains, which makes the concept just plain irritating).
After paying our respects to the now dead former inhabitant of the air, let us make sure we
are on a slim, seaworthy vessel. Even a tubby boat will do. OK, even just sitting in your bathtub will be ok, but we must be on water, to get that Dutch feeling.
Have a well seasoned, high quality cast iron skillet, filled with seawater - what do you mean, you don't have seawater?
Have a handful of rock salt and fresh herbs including laurel leaves, majoram, mint, basil, and petit lóreaubey (only the seeds).
Carefully soak the flayed, gutted, de-beaked, de-feeted seagull in the water with salt. This is to remove the fishy taste.
Let the bird carcass (mmm ... carcass) float in the gory water for 12 hours. Meanwhile, keep steering your slim, seaworthy vessel. Or your bathtub.
After this time, throw away the bird-water, carefully complying with local biohazard regulations (if you plan to fuck up, it is a good time for reading How to Construct and Use a Basic Hazardous Materials Spill Cleanup Kit).
Place the bird in more water and salt.
Repeat the process at least three times.
Place the seagull in the skillet, add some butter and aromatic herbs. Lightly sautée, add some ox-broth, and let simmer for three hours.
When the simmering is done, take the bird out of the skillet, and throw the cooking liquid overboard (it tastes like rotten fish, and it also has laxative properties, crux assures us from personal experience). While you are at it, throw the skillet overboard, since the rotten fish taste will never come off.
At this point, also throw the seagull overboard, since it still tastes like rotten fish.

Dutch Seagull Recipe 189864