Neil Shipperley gets his meat and two veg out.

As a player, he played as a centre-forward from 1992 until 2007 notably in the Premier League for Chelsea, Southampton, Crystal Palace, Nottingham Forest and Sheffield United. He also played in the Football League for Watford, Barnsley, Wimbledon and Brentford.

Neil Shipperley sentenced for public masturbation
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50839639
A former Premier League striker who masturbated in front of a mother and her 16-year-old daughter has been given a 12-month community order.

Ex-Crystal Palace star Neil Shipperley, 45, exposed his genitals from inside his van, in Hillingdon, west London, on 17 September.

He is said to have sought counselling for personal issues, including the death of his father, gambling problems and debts.

Mitigating for Shipperley, Sarah O'Kane said: "Everything came to a crescendo on the day in question. This was, he thinks on reflection, a cry for help."

The mother said she was "disgusted" by the sight.

Who cries for help when they need a wank?

You might ask for help but I don't think that would have helped him in this scenario.

"Excuse me, love, can you finish this off for me? You or your barely legal daughter, either's fine... actually, no, it's OK, I don't need you now. Got a hankie?"