the new age of snooker pt I

- they're playing safe, the crowd are loudly booing, this could end up 0-0 after the ten minutes

please god let the robot voice say "davis you are through to the next round, ebdon you are a cheaty slaphead cunt - fuck off"

Great stuff Abdul.....keep it coming

campbell against michie - - no, the crowd don't know who they are either, ffs it could be the crowd

no trouble getting campbells name in big block capitals on the back of the marquee he's wearing anyway, the obese fat cunt

fucking hell, michie is a professional salad dodger too, their shirts will cost more than their prize money, if they go for an 'all you can eat' curry after the game it will put the restaurant out of business

anyone else watching think this campbell is a ringer for nobby

Abdul Kowalski wrote:anyone else watching think this campbell is a ringer for nobby

and the game between the 2 salad dodgers ends 32-21

winning salad dodger gets a fat bird asking for his autograph

this could be snooker fat club if it weren't a comp - give barry a chance and he'll have the 3 of them doing a spit on the table after the game to sell more tickets

Bev and Ellie are watching chic flicks

and the drunken mexican waves have started while the players are playing their shots

Fucking hell, Abdul, this is a great read.

Love the stream of consciousness stuff - so update the fucking thing, you drinky smoky fucker

that was it bert, there was only one more game, mark king (dead ringer for staggy) against some scottish teenager who'd never been on telly before and was far too innocent for this shit

the crowd were screaming and mexican waving and swearing, the slaphead staggy look-a-like with the dodgy cue action who incidentally stood in for his mate andy hicks in a celebrity fight against quinten 'the rapist' hann (now banned for cheating) was in his element, essex street boy who could probably hustle pikeys against some poor scottish kid who kept looking for his mum, it was no competition - king's sort of game this is, he wouldn't mind a fight going on as well

it all resumes tomorrow, still no sign of liang wenbo - fat tony drago's missing first round oppo - and the police are now looking into rumours that drago may have ate him, marco fu is running scared as he knows when you've eaten a chinky you want another half an hour later

it's shit, proper shit but kind of addictive in an x-factor for cripples kind of style

Abdul Kowalski wrote:it's shit, proper shit but kind of addictive in an x-factor for cripples kind of style

Like that wrestling shit where they'd come in every minute or something until every 7ft sted freak who'd bellow "hoo yeah" at a camera was in the ring - an upgrade on the standard shit, not worth watching but you aren't reaching for the remote...

well, it kicks off again tomorrow, two sessions of 8 games, no more than 10mins per game so you might find time to watch something of it

barry hearn is taking no chances after the andy gray fiasco so has got the racy neal foulds in the commentary box to sex things up but the most controversial he got was describing alan mcmanus who usually plays at the speed of a corpse as 'steady'

Abdul Kowalski wrote:essex street boy who could probably hustle pikeys against some poor scottish kid who kept looking for his mum, it was no competition - king's sort of game this is, he wouldn't mind a fight going on as well

here we go again, day 2 of this shit, willie thorne seems to have nicked a court suit from someone, they're digging them all up now

Lol, just noticed there's no chairs for the players as theyre not there long enough to sit down

some fat cunt in the front row filming it on his iphone, ray reardon would've stabbed the cunt with his cue for that - good job the olduns are dead

nice break of 81 from the non-rapist aussie world champion, that kept milf-ref on her toes

contenders for the title so far: o'sullivan, king, robertson

though any cunt could win this format, even me on my old form

well, probably not

omg, it's fat boy jehovah against the only black african beardy bloke in world snooker next

mcleod's previous claim to snooker fame was wearing white trainers in his only tv main event appearance

pmsl, well played rory and fat boy jehovah is out and he's not happy - former world champ losing to a former pub landlord

says it all barry, look what you've fucking created - a fucking abortion of what was a family favourite

next up alfie burden against matt selt (nope, i've not heard of the cunt either)

clue - their shirt numbers are their world rankings so if they add up to over a hundred it's stevie wonder snooker

burden + selt = 109

and as i say that selt breaks off and burden bangs in a 106

add Burden to the list of contenders, he's well suited to this style of play - fast and don't give a fuck

Abdul Kowalski wrote:Lol, just noticed there's no chairs for the players as theyre not there long enough to sit down

some fat cunt in the front row filming it on his iphone, ray reardon would've stabbed the cunt with his cue for that - good job the olduns are dead

walden v perry up next or in numbers, 20 vs 27

due a shit frame now, jimmy white commentating but he sounds pissed already and isn't watching whats happening

jimmy is cunted and talking total bollocks, if they drag him out for the evening session he'll be vomiting all over the place and pissing himself

perry beats walden but the crowd haven't heard of either so don't know what to do - it's all gone quiet